At this point, I am only posting for the sake of letting y'all know that I do, in fact, still intend to post here and I am, in fact, not dead.
Damn....I wish I had thought more before trying to start a post. This was really very anticlimatic.
Went for a bike ride today. Turns out, I suck really badly at going uphill. I think I suck really badly at most anything physical. *Thinks about that* At anything athletic....
*Thinks about that* At anything athletic that doesn't involve harnesses or handle bars hanging from the ceiling.
Yeah, I think that might work.
On with it.
Friday, August 02, 2002
Slowly, I will mold this to the whims of my template-ness. For now, just that upper graphic pretty much exemplifies how I feel about fixing and tweaking and programming this damn thing. Still, I thought I'd take a minute to make this appear like something and throw a bone to those of you who still read this. (Hi Emily!!!!)
For those of you out there in TV land who don't know what's been going on with me: Working a lot lately. Burger fucKing. God, I love it.
"Let's just say it moved me. INTO A BIGGER HOUSE."
That's a simpsons reference and even I don't know if it makes since in the context I was trying to make it make sense with. However, I do know that I'm listening to Runaway Train, a song that reminds me of Jeremey and that I miss making senseless Simpsons quotes at possibly innappropriate times and having them just work. Big fucking surprise, right?
Person One: Hey, Linda's site is finally back!
Person Two: It was gone?
Person One: Yeah! But it's back now, with lot's of changes.
Person Two: What's she writing about?
Person One: She misses Jeremey.
Person Two: Oh yeah, LOTS of changes. I'm gonna go jerk off.
The dangerous thing to assume in that scenario: That two people, without the inclusion of me, would ever bother having a conversation about my site. Or that there are still two people on earth that remember it exist.
I recently stuck a quote from Runaway Train in an e-mail to Zack-- Zack, who I have been e-mailing on a daily basis, and talking to on an almost daily basis, and etc. on an etc. basis....point being, aside from work, Zack's basically been what's up lately...sure, there's still all those other people, and they're well deserving of mention...but, by my calculation, Zack should be getting off work in about five minutes, so I'm gonna go catch him.
We'll get into all of this more later....I promise. I STILL LOVE YOU, READERS! (HI EMILY!!!!)
On with it.
For those of you out there in TV land who don't know what's been going on with me: Working a lot lately. Burger fucKing. God, I love it.
"Let's just say it moved me. INTO A BIGGER HOUSE."
That's a simpsons reference and even I don't know if it makes since in the context I was trying to make it make sense with. However, I do know that I'm listening to Runaway Train, a song that reminds me of Jeremey and that I miss making senseless Simpsons quotes at possibly innappropriate times and having them just work. Big fucking surprise, right?
Person One: Hey, Linda's site is finally back!
Person Two: It was gone?
Person One: Yeah! But it's back now, with lot's of changes.
Person Two: What's she writing about?
Person One: She misses Jeremey.
Person Two: Oh yeah, LOTS of changes. I'm gonna go jerk off.
The dangerous thing to assume in that scenario: That two people, without the inclusion of me, would ever bother having a conversation about my site. Or that there are still two people on earth that remember it exist.
I recently stuck a quote from Runaway Train in an e-mail to Zack-- Zack, who I have been e-mailing on a daily basis, and talking to on an almost daily basis, and etc. on an etc. basis....point being, aside from work, Zack's basically been what's up lately...sure, there's still all those other people, and they're well deserving of mention...but, by my calculation, Zack should be getting off work in about five minutes, so I'm gonna go catch him.
We'll get into all of this more later....I promise. I STILL LOVE YOU, READERS! (HI EMILY!!!!)
On with it.
Wednesday, July 24, 2002
Saturday, July 13, 2002
Friday, July 12, 2002
Quote of the day nomination (which will win by default if there isn't another nominee by midnight):
Auto response from Nick: Gamin' it old-skool.
FieryGwenivere: are you then?
Nick: Yes, I am.
FieryGwenivere: which game?
Nick: None, actually. I just don't have a bathroom away message.
Ah, gotta love that kid....however, it's likely that it will be replaced, as Ben, Nick and Kris are all coming to hang out tonight....Ghee! I haven't seen Nick or Ben in ages, and I rarely get to see Kris....tonight shall be good.
I love hanging out with guys. Especially ones with whom there's no sexual tension or past. (so I guess I'm referring to kris....unless you count phone sex...)
:-) I'm such a little slut. On with it.
Auto response from Nick: Gamin' it old-skool.
FieryGwenivere: are you then?
Nick: Yes, I am.
FieryGwenivere: which game?
Nick: None, actually. I just don't have a bathroom away message.
Ah, gotta love that kid....however, it's likely that it will be replaced, as Ben, Nick and Kris are all coming to hang out tonight....Ghee! I haven't seen Nick or Ben in ages, and I rarely get to see Kris....tonight shall be good.
I love hanging out with guys. Especially ones with whom there's no sexual tension or past. (so I guess I'm referring to kris....unless you count phone sex...)
:-) I'm such a little slut. On with it.
Friday, July 05, 2002
I'm wondering how much of this shit I should edit out for the sake of preserving everyone's public name, as it's not really my right to spill out this sickening little teen lifetime story, but since it's MY blog, and I'm the pissed off one, and I really don't care how much you know about the fact that about 95% of my current fucked-up situation is MY fault and no one else's, I'm gonna put up part of a conversation I'm having unedited. Be warned, though, that the story you're about to hear is not completely true- it was merely Ben's interpretation of a situation that he wasn't told completely about until now. It's not true. JEff and I are still together. As for the rest....heh, figure it out for yourself.
Ben: I can only imagine how "not entirely pleased" you must be.
FieryGwenivere: what would you assume happened, from what you've heard
Ben: Well...you and Chad, over time, became closer and closer. Eventually, it got to the point where you were practically going out. Jeff got wind of it from you, and broke up with you. Then, Chad ditched you for Kara. Along the way, just for fun, your Ferret died.
I included all of that because that last sentence is sooo the quote of the day...first time I've laughed out loud since I got back from Gloucester. And I love Ben for that (and infinitely more). So I told him. Guess what? He loves me, too.
Sometimes, no matter what hand life plays you, you've got an ace up your sleeve...even if you've left it there for a long time. Or, well, with Ben, a joker anyway.
On with it.
Ben: I can only imagine how "not entirely pleased" you must be.
FieryGwenivere: what would you assume happened, from what you've heard
Ben: Well...you and Chad, over time, became closer and closer. Eventually, it got to the point where you were practically going out. Jeff got wind of it from you, and broke up with you. Then, Chad ditched you for Kara. Along the way, just for fun, your Ferret died.
I included all of that because that last sentence is sooo the quote of the day...first time I've laughed out loud since I got back from Gloucester. And I love Ben for that (and infinitely more). So I told him. Guess what? He loves me, too.
Sometimes, no matter what hand life plays you, you've got an ace up your sleeve...even if you've left it there for a long time. Or, well, with Ben, a joker anyway.
On with it.
Wednesday, July 03, 2002
The past few days have been bad, or at least have very much had the potential to be bad, but, yesterday especially, I took comfort in a barrage of social engagements and only very rarely allowed myself to indulge in the self-defeating pleasure of bitching about my issues. It's all dumb teenaged bullshit, excepting Cody's death, and there are better things to do with my time.
Still, for the record, let it be known that something has happened to hurt me, and badly, if I should stop to remember and invite defeat.
Rather than devoting myself to my own disgusting words, I have allowed my favorite poetess to speak for me- reading the following poem aloud to Emily last night, I was able to express a certain facet of my personal grief that I otherwise would have left to inarticulate dribble. I share this all with you now in hopes that her words might make my strife seem less callow and trivial.
"Pity me not because the light of day
At close of day no longer walks the sky;
Pity me not for beauties passed away
From field and thicket as the the year goes by;
Pity me not the waning of the moon,
Nor that the ebbing tide goes out to sea,
Nor that a man's desire is hushed so soon,
And you no longer look with love on me.
This have I known always: Love is no more
Than the wide blossom which the wind assails,
Than the great tide that treads the shifting shore,
Strewing fresh wreckage gathered in the gales:
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at ever turn."
Work now. Ten hours straight. I'll spare you whining about that, as well.
On with it.
Still, for the record, let it be known that something has happened to hurt me, and badly, if I should stop to remember and invite defeat.
Rather than devoting myself to my own disgusting words, I have allowed my favorite poetess to speak for me- reading the following poem aloud to Emily last night, I was able to express a certain facet of my personal grief that I otherwise would have left to inarticulate dribble. I share this all with you now in hopes that her words might make my strife seem less callow and trivial.
"Pity me not because the light of day
At close of day no longer walks the sky;
Pity me not for beauties passed away
From field and thicket as the the year goes by;
Pity me not the waning of the moon,
Nor that the ebbing tide goes out to sea,
Nor that a man's desire is hushed so soon,
And you no longer look with love on me.
This have I known always: Love is no more
Than the wide blossom which the wind assails,
Than the great tide that treads the shifting shore,
Strewing fresh wreckage gathered in the gales:
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at ever turn."
Work now. Ten hours straight. I'll spare you whining about that, as well.
On with it.
Tuesday, July 02, 2002
Last night I couldn't sleep so I thought of things that made me happy instead of crying and I distracted myself by looking for poetry appropriate to a situation, and I tried to memorize it. And I've been crazy stupid for so long now. I wrote some, too, beautiful. I've been crazy stupid.
Ever been humbled before the eyes of heaven?
I feel poetic now, I'm standing in bookland in brunswick and I'm out with Emily and George and my understanding of everything around me as of late has been jerked out from under me, I feel like writing poetry, and I don't feel like letting someone who I know will read this read this, don't feel like letting him in any farther. The one poem I discovered last night that wasn't for him suddenly is, suddenly hurtfully damn it.
I'm going too fast, and I only have...probably two more minutes before bookland gets angry at me for using this.
On with it.
Ever been humbled before the eyes of heaven?
I feel poetic now, I'm standing in bookland in brunswick and I'm out with Emily and George and my understanding of everything around me as of late has been jerked out from under me, I feel like writing poetry, and I don't feel like letting someone who I know will read this read this, don't feel like letting him in any farther. The one poem I discovered last night that wasn't for him suddenly is, suddenly hurtfully damn it.
I'm going too fast, and I only have...probably two more minutes before bookland gets angry at me for using this.
On with it.
Monday, July 01, 2002
Monday, June 24, 2002
It's semi-official: Jenn's got me hooked on a Country Band. Rascal Flatts. I quoted them once on here already, "I'm movin' on"...or, according to the way it copied onto my blog, "I?m movin? on".
This time my interest is peaked by a motherfuckin' love song...in case it's not clear, I resent this. But I love the song. Fuck.
"Tell me you've had trouble sleeping
That you toss and turn from side to side
That it's my face you've been seeingIn your dreams at night
Tell me that you wake up crying
And you're not sure exactly why
Tell me that something is missing
In your life
In your life
Tell me that you live for love
That forever is never enough
That you waited all your life to see
That you want so badly to believe
Tell me that it's not just me."
I think I like it because it's true. I try like hell not to believe in true love, not to think that two people are ever meant for each other, but sometimes I'm lead to wonder- do I think that because I honestly think that, or because I want to, because I'm deathly afraid of the possibility that true love exists at all, or worse, it exists for me, or much worse, it exists for everyone but me. And then I get to wondering if that's really what I want, or if deep down I want....so badly to believe.
*Shrugs* Feminine philosophizing. Gets old quick.
Nick and I are talking right now. It's been entirely too long. We're going to make plans soon. This is good. I'll dwell on this, instead of on that crappy love stuff.
To quote Anita liberty (probably only somewhat accurately): "Love can eat me for a long time and like it."
On with it.
This time my interest is peaked by a motherfuckin' love song...in case it's not clear, I resent this. But I love the song. Fuck.
"Tell me you've had trouble sleeping
That you toss and turn from side to side
That it's my face you've been seeingIn your dreams at night
Tell me that you wake up crying
And you're not sure exactly why
Tell me that something is missing
In your life
In your life
Tell me that you live for love
That forever is never enough
That you waited all your life to see
That you want so badly to believe
Tell me that it's not just me."
I think I like it because it's true. I try like hell not to believe in true love, not to think that two people are ever meant for each other, but sometimes I'm lead to wonder- do I think that because I honestly think that, or because I want to, because I'm deathly afraid of the possibility that true love exists at all, or worse, it exists for me, or much worse, it exists for everyone but me. And then I get to wondering if that's really what I want, or if deep down I want....so badly to believe.
*Shrugs* Feminine philosophizing. Gets old quick.
Nick and I are talking right now. It's been entirely too long. We're going to make plans soon. This is good. I'll dwell on this, instead of on that crappy love stuff.
To quote Anita liberty (probably only somewhat accurately): "Love can eat me for a long time and like it."
On with it.
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