It's almost 6 am, Casey is skipping school for here in a little over two hours, and I am sleepless.

I've discovered, just now, something online that is chilling me-- if there were any doubt that I would go the remainder of the night without sleep, there aren't now. Fucking stupid reminders of the way life used to be, and how much I hated it then. Fucking stupid reminders that things don't go so perfectly as they seem, and if you stay happy too long, something will fall. Life is all about the fucking stupid reminders.

Except that I'm getting SICK of people being that goddamned negative. About the time that Ben turned the page to become a complete and utter misanthrope, I cashed in my chips. I grew out of that teenage stage where it's okay to hate the world, to hate your life, the glare at your problems and just linger where you are. It's bullshit. All you assholes out there who proport to hate the world, hate the people in it, hate your lives and hate yourselves: motherfucking do something about it. Don't just sit there and complain. And no, if you're thinking that, it's not hypocrisy-- I may bitch, but I'm more proactive in solving my problems than anyone I know. I'm not saying that I've got a hell of a lot to compare to, but it's something.

My suspiscions as to what the unsettling information I've gathered tonight is telling me is....augh, so goddamn frustrating. Why does everything worthwhile have to be a challenge?

Maybe more later. Let's see if the goddamn computer can post this without fucking up, first. On with it.