Got so caught up in the contest that I forgot that I came upstairs with the intent that I would actually write something on here. Imagine that!

So Mr. Leighton was telling me the other day that the interesting thing about the way I write on this is that it's not always just personal stuff, that I incorporate universal truths and talk to people as a whole...or something. I wish I was better at paraphrasing.

So, in that spirit, I was watching "Just Shoot Me" today and it was the episode where Elliot told Mya he loved her for the first time. And watching it I was in my stereotypical little girl watching lovey-dovey TV position, sitting straight up with little balled fists, half-wincing, pressing my wrists up again my toothy grin- like it's half pain, half embarrassment, all elation. And they kissed, and I realized that it was a rerun I knew what was going to happen in a later season, I literally jumped fowards towards the TV and screamed "WHHHHHYYYYYY DID YOU BREAK UP?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

These type of reactions are very common with me when it comes to TV or movies that I'm emotionally invested in- at the end of Bridget Jones' Diary, I launched myself at the television and kissed it. I'm THAT much of a loser.

At any rate, when I reacted as strongly as I did it occured to me that I have MUCH more emotional responses to things in art than in life. It's probabyl unhealthy.

I was going to write a truly worthy post here about the implications of that, and why, and how, and...well, a bunch of shit, but I'm being very distracted by this random internet guy who is very, very curious as to every sexual detail of my life, and I suspect getting off on my forthcoming answers. I'm trying to come up with an appropriate piece of this conversation to post, because DAMN, this guy is amusing, but- imagine this- there's a lot of stuff that's too private for even ME to post.

Here, this much should be okay, though any of you who don't want to feel all dirrty should probably skip this. Even as edited as it is.

WreckHavok14: so how old r u?
FieryGwenivere: 17
WreckHavok14: cool
WreckHavok14: what do u look like?
FieryGwenivere: A giant hamster with radon beams coming from my eyes, wearing an all-leather bondage suit and holding a naked John Voigt in my left hand
WreckHavok14: sweet
WreckHavok14: i like bondage
FieryGwenivere: Do you like hamster bondage?
WreckHavok14: dunno never tried it
FieryGwenivere: oh, you gotta
WreckHavok14: ok lol
WreckHavok14: so do u got a pic?
FieryGwenivere: hmmm, yes, but how do I get it to you?
WreckHavok14: is it on ur comp?
FieryGwenivere: ugh
FieryGwenivere: yeah, it is
WreckHavok14: ok send it to wreckhavok14@hotmail.com
WreckHavok14: please
FieryGwenivere: already did
WreckHavok14: ok thanx
WreckHavok14: so what do u like to do?
FieryGwenivere: write. you?
WreckHavok14: skateboard and sports
WreckHavok14: holy shit
WreckHavok14: r u wearing underwear in that pic?
FieryGwenivere: a thong, I think
WreckHavok14: o u can barely tell
WreckHavok14: got any more pix ur hott

*lapse*

WreckHavok14: do u masturbate?
FieryGwenivere: constantly.
WreckHavok14: cool
WreckHavok14: what do u use?
FieryGwenivere: my hands
WreckHavok14: how many fingers?
FieryGwenivere: and whatever's readily available
WreckHavok14: like what else have u used?
FieryGwenivere: *Answer edited for the public’s sake*
WreckHavok14: o
FieryGwenivere: *Answer edited for the public’s sake*
WreckHavok14: o
WreckHavok14: how often do u do it?
FieryGwenivere: masturbate? depends on my mood
FieryGwenivere: sometimes several times a day, sometimes I'll go for a week without
WreckHavok14: o
WreckHavok14: do u do it till u orgasm?
FieryGwenivere: nope. Most girls don't learn how to have an orgasm until they're in their twenties
WreckHavok14: o
WreckHavok14: do u shave?
FieryGwenivere: yeah, but not completely. I leave a "landing strip"
WreckHavok14: ok
WreckHavok14: how many times have u had oral sex?
FieryGwenivere: *Answer edited for the public’s sake*
WreckHavok14: o
FieryGwenivere: it's a fairly new thing for me
WreckHavok14: ok
WreckHavok14: whats the biggest dick uve seen?
FieryGwenivere: *Answer edited for the public’s sake*
WreckHavok14: ok
WreckHavok14: so do u have a bf?
FieryGwenivere: yep
WreckHavok14: o
WreckHavok14: u ever do any sort of lesbian activity?
FieryGwenivere: yep
FieryGwenivere: I'm bisexual, I have an ex-girlfriend
WreckHavok14: what?
WreckHavok14: how far did u 2 go?
FieryGwenivere: *Answer edited for the public’s sake*
WreckHavok14: o
WreckHavok14: do u have a pic of u 2 doing that?
FieryGwenivere: Hahaha, nope
WreckHavok14: o
FieryGwenivere: dorry
FieryGwenivere: *sorry
WreckHavok14: o well
WreckHavok14: was she hott?
FieryGwenivere: She was beautiful.
WreckHavok14: what did she look like?
FieryGwenivere: she had blue eyes and very long brown hair. beautiful lips.
WreckHavok14: did she have big breasts?
FieryGwenivere: About a C cup
FieryGwenivere: like mine
WreckHavok14: ok
WreckHavok14: was she short?
FieryGwenivere: nah, very tall
WreckHavok14: o
WreckHavok14: so whens the last time u masturbated?
FieryGwenivere: about an hour ago. But not for very long
WreckHavok14: y not do it again
FieryGwenivere: because I'm not horny right now
WreckHavok14: get horny
WreckHavok14: look at porn
FieryGwenivere: I don't feel like it
FieryGwenivere: you can feel free to pretend I'm masturbating
WreckHavok14: ok
WreckHavok14: ok
WreckHavok14: i am
WreckHavok14: masturbating
FieryGwenivere: Nice.
WreckHavok14: stroking my giant cock
FieryGwenivere: go you!
WreckHavok14: o yeah
FieryGwenivere: must be fun for the whole family
WreckHavok14: im not into incest
FieryGwenivere: that's too bad, I am.
WreckHavok14: ewww


Ah, so many perverts on the internet. Gotta love it.

On with it.

Another contest response, this time provided by the magnificient Jacquie-Jackster*, which is a randomly assigned nickname I would probably resent if I were her. So don't call her that.

And, for those of you who are just arriving, HIYA! You can find out ALL ABOUT the contest and how you can participate on just two posts down, on April 29th.

Linda: no guesses, huh? If you try, you get a free subscription! (Not that I wasn't already going to force one on you)
Jacquie: haha! force, no I was going to ask
Jacquie: hmmmm
Jacquie: i was going to guess something that might be extreme, just a wild one
Linda: guess anything, I don't care
Jacquie: ok...
Jacquie: you had sex! hahahahaha, man I am out there
Linda: HAHAHA :-)
Linda: you're so cook
Jacquie: i bet that's not even close!
Linda: *Cool
Linda: No, I didn't have sex
Jacquie: thank you!
Linda: would you like to be among the elite few that knows what's going on?
Jacquie: hmm...made out with a squirrel?
Jacquie: you're having a baby? getting married/
Jacquie: sure!
Linda: With a squirrel? Hahaha, where the hell do you get this stuff....
Linda: Well, if you really want to know...
Linda: I made out with a chipmunk.
Jacquie: i pull it out of my ass
Jacquie: which i do....
Jacquie: i'm curious....curious george...
Jacquie: awww! wrong backyard fuzzball!
Jacquie: haha
Linda: See, they have smaller tails than squirrels, and they live in the ground, and they're brown
Jacquie: ahhh i see
Jacquie: i like chipmunks too. I had this thing with Alvin and the other two...at once. Oh baby it was fuzzy fun that night!


:-) Ain't she great?

So, the incredibly lucky, and very insightful Jacquie is wrong, something she's probably not accustomed to, but she gets a free subscription- Ooooo! Aaaaah!- and the following link to ALL THE JACQUIE GOODNESS YOU COULD WANT will be placed here for the next two weeks...not that I don't link to her site all the time...

...but I don't link to YOURS! So come on, join the ranks, venture a guess! You'll get all this glory, and possibly more!

Are YOU up to the challenge?

On with it.

*Note: Jacquie WAS elligible because, technically, I've never met her. Just in case you were going to bitch.

The contest has gotten it's first response!

The wonderful Sandy took a guess.....and while it was a better guess than I would think the first few would be (and therefore something I'm not going to post), the nail was not hit directly on the head. However, Sandy will get some wonderful parting gifts!

Sandy is the envy of all her friends and neighbors in that she'll get her own, brand-new, completely free subscription to Linda's Titleless Newsletter (insert noisemaker-party sounds here) and, while she does not have a website, she asked that I include a link to that of her favorite band, Incubus. Good band. Wish I could think of a quote offhand to honor them with, in Sandy's name, but for now, let's all just praise Sandy!

If you would like to share in the fame of Sandy, and you don't know who the hell I am, all you have to do is join in the contest! The rules are in the below post, and I'll let you all know how this continues to turn out. (Aren't you on the edge of your seats with anticipation?)

On with it!

Last night, I mentioned that I allude to too much. Today, I'd like to test the theory that, indeed, any half-wit who had even a moderate interest could figure out pretty much exactly what I've been referring to over the past week and a half....or come up with some general description of my current situation. So, let the testing begin-

Attention fellow bloggers, random surfers, and anyone at all who is viewing this page for the first time, or has viewed this page before, but has never met me! I have a puzzle for you!

Hello, strangers. I'm glad that you've found my site- if you have a little while, I need your help. I want to know if, by reading what I've posted over roughly the past two weeks, the average person would be able to figure out my current situation in at least general terms. So put on your thinking caps, or at least your able-to-detect-the-fairly-obvious caps, and start reading. If you think you know what's going on, e-mail me at SuedeCaramel@dog.com with your guess. Anyone who tries will get a link to their site posted on "You Must Be Very Bored" for two weeks (and let me tell you, though I don't so many visitors as to make one burst with excitement, all the visiters I do get are generally bored enough so that they will go to any link they're directed to.) and a free subscription to Linda's Titleless Newsletter, which is in the works of a tremendous comeback. Anyone who guesses reasonably close to the actual situation will get their link posted on "You Must Be Very Bored" for a full month, a free subscription to Linda's Titleless Newsletter, and a link and short description of site included in an upcoming issue of Linda's Titleless Newsletter (which has a rapidly growing readership, and soon to have online archives, so your link will be immortalized in it's Titleless Newsletter fame!). But most of all, you'll get the satisfaction of knowing that you've pieced together what dozens of my own, close friends haven't bothered to!

So get going!

Everything you need should be either currently posted, or posted in this archive week:
http://suedecaramel.blogspot.com/?/2002_04_14_suedecaramel_archive.html
But you can feel free to look through any of the archives for hints...though I'm not exactly sure what they'd be.

And be sure to include the link you want posted, as well as the title of your site, in your e-mail.

This little intrigue benefits me enormously, thank you for your participation, and happy hunting!

(Tip: Be sure to look for clues in song lyrics, bits of conversation, and anything else I've included! People who have met SuedeCarame are not eligible to participate.)

On with it!

Iris, by the Goo Goo Dolls, seems very fitting right now.

"And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven
That I've ever been
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breath is your light
When sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don' t think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am."


This has a vaguely similar theme to "Name", and like it, will probably prompt another extremely long e-mail about the song written to Mitch, if he ever writes back in response to the last two I sent him. Bastard. But it's pertinence now has very little to do with that, and more with the fact that I've realized tonight that it's very important for me to make a decision. This isn't a decision between two things, because I already know what needs to be done, pretty much inarguably. I simply have to make the decision to do it. And this isn't one that comes easily.

I am in the middle of two things right now, and I have sacrifice one, that probably couldn't be anything more than what it is, and probably shouldn't be anyway, to let the other expand to it's full potential, which I've already experienced first hand before....though, I don't know, sometimes I sit around and wonder if it's really there anymore. Other times, I can't imagine it ever dissipating.

It's always difficult for me to make decisions like this, because it involves actively changing the pattern of one of my close friendships. (I'd like to point out right now, so that no one thinks this is something it's not, this isn't about Emily) I hate change in relationships of any kind...and I'm bad at it. I don't like to let go of things, or people.

This won't involve letting go of anyone, I should point out.

I always allude to too much, trying to give just enough of a bone to informed parties- in this case, probably only one person....though I can't really remember at this point- while attempting to keep the bigger part of it away from people who shouldn't know. This, one, makes for boring reading and two, makes for suspicious people. For the sake of both, let me summarize and give you this- I have to make a hard decision, I have to gain willpower and to what I have to to make things right and no, it probably has absolutely nothing to do with you. Yes, I mean you. Y-O-U. This isn't about you. Don't be paranoid.

(The one person who is informed will know what I'm getting at...unless he's truly that clueless.)

Promised myself I'd be in bed forty minutes ago. School, and an exceptionally long day, tomorrow.

On with it.