Thursday, December 29, 2005

Fuck him, man. All I needed was for him to tell me...

Fuck him.

Every girl needs to hear the words to "Problem Girl", the eighth track on Rob Thomas's solo album (a christmas gift from my mother.) over and over again.

Every girl needs warmth. Every girl needs room for all sides of her personality to come out, and be equally embraced and appreciated. Fuck the kinds of people who bask in you while you're smart and funny and saying all the right things, then can't be there for you when you're falling apart (when you've fallen for them, when you care so much you can't hold it together anymore.)

Every girl needs love. Love, and not some cheap imitation.

He told me he didn't use the word anymore. Told me it was too loaded-- that he was sorry he had ever told me he loved me, but it would no longer be a part of his personal vocabulary. Vernacular updated. Sorry, this offer has expired. This coupon is no longer redeemable.

And don't waste your breath on him. It'd be a good idea for you to quit, too.

But, he said, that didn't mean he didn't have a "great, ineffable fondness" for me. And, for a moment, that actually made me feel better. At least my question was answered.

On with it.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

If my original weigh-in of 180 pounds was accurate (which it may or may not have been, as I did not have, in my possession, an accurate scale until today) then I have lost six pounds since I started trying to lose weight three weeks ago.

Six pounds is not an easy thing to conceptualize. So I shall try to help you.

This dog, apparently named "Doodle Poodle", weighs approximately six pounds.

This penguin from the Mystic Aquariaum is six pounds, also. It would be unfortunate if he lost six pounds, because then he would cease to exist, and I think I may want him to be my new mascot. Perhaps he and Doodle Poodle can share responsibilities. His name is Red Green.

This strange man brought Red Green a six-pound fish to eat. What he doesn't understand is that Red Green would choke to death if he tried to eat a fish as big as he is. I'll have to cut it up for him...ewww.

So, six pounds lighter, it has been a Merry Christmas for me. How has it been for you?

On with it.