FieryGwenivere: You told a girl she was fat to test a theory?
C LABRACK: correct.
FieryGwenivere: You do realizing you're going to hell? And it's not gonna be all warm and cozy, no way, because what's going to happen is this girl is going to become so obsessed with this one comment that her confidence will be destroyed, and in her desperation she'll sleep with someone like Kory, and then hell will freeze over and you'll be down there in a great big frozen puddle of Bob Ross's spooge?
C LABRACK: christ, I didn't let her cry or anything.
FieryGwenivere: This is your warning, Ebenezer...at the stroke of twelve you will be visited by the first of three spirits...
C LABRACK: I assured her that she's very attractive.
FieryGwenivere: And then, having shattered her self-esteem and then restored a tiny fraction of it, you were allowed to do her up the butt.
C LABRACK: actually, I really should have leveraged sex out of that.
FieryGwenivere: Insult enough chicks and you'll find yourself writing a steamy letter to penthouse.
C LABRACK: I can't wait.
C LABRACK: keep smacking bitches! don't pretend to give a shit about anyone!
FieryGwenivere: Seriously, this little scheme should add up to be just about all you aspire to in life. And I wonder why you keep my around.
C LABRACK: me too
FieryGwenivere: Expect the first ghost when the bell tolls twelve...

On with it.