Saturday, February 16, 2002

Take the Monopoly Piece Quiz!

Just like Jacquie. Her and I get the same test things a lot....except on that drink thing, when I was a pink lady and she was a freakin' ice cube. Jerks.

My favorite piece to play with is the dog, but then again, everybody's favorite piece to play with is the dog. At least in my generation.

I sorta feel like playing Riven. Before that, I sorta felt like writing. Before that, I sorta felt like sitting in my room and cleaning while listening to Mad Season- I did that one for a while. I also planted some flowers in my room, in a clementine box. I'm on a plant kick. I read an article in cosmo or something once that said having plants in your house was good for...the mind or something. Probably be better for me if I spent any time in my room at all....aside from sleeping, or watching movies (which I haven't done in there for a while, but I got some rentals this week: The People Versus Larry Flint, which me and Jeff were *supposed* to watch together yesterday, Only You, and one of my all-time favorites, The Truth about Cats and Dogs.)

I have a headache.

Cathy's taking the computer at ten, so I'm gonna do some promotion stuff. Because that's the kind of sell out I am. I'll check for the archives for Ordinary people stuff, too. Just so y'all don't have to do the work.

On with it.
Bad day in general.

Woke up this morning late- Jeff didn't leave until almost three last night (that was the good part of the day)- and my parents and cathy went out. Tony, being housed at his mom's house for the next week, was not there, so I had the house to myself. I ate, got nauseous and headachy, took aspirins and watched a really sad lifetime movie. "Family Sins". It was very early eighties-like, with really crappy renaissance-like music in the background, and I think it was probably by the same director as "Ordinairy People", a movie- with a strangely similar plotline, that I probably wrote about before. I'll find the archives and post them- I'm into posting links to my archives because, as I've been reading them lately, I find they are far superior to anything I've recently wrote. Probably because I had much more to say back then....I was more consistently depressed than I am now, and while sadness isn't something most people vy for, it makes for a more interesting blog. Sadness or sex. Whichever.

After crying my eyes out over "Family Sins" and getting generally miserable, I came up here with every intention to talk about it on this, and to talk about how I cried so easily today, and I cried twice last night with Jeff- some things that I talked about upset the both of us...totally unrelated, except in a vague way, was a difficult night, at times. Good, but difficult. I think perhaps I go on spurts of crying, because I don't do it for weeks at a time and then I will all of a sudden every day for a few days. It's odd. At any rate- I logged online and found that I had two new e-mails- one from Emily and one from Jenn. Emily was not doing well, by any means. She angsted in the letter. I wrote back and did my best to make her feel better. Then I responded to Jenn's e-mail, she wanted to know about Winter Carnival.

After that I didn't feel as bad. I took a shower- normally I would have taken time to dance, but I my stomach was aching from the nausea that was zoning in and out and I figured there was the Outright (gay and questioning youth community) dance I was supposed to be going to tonight, so I'd have plenty of exercise. No rides, though, so we're stuck.

By far the worst part of today though would be- and I'm not sure if I'm allowed to discuss it, so I won't mention names- that I've just found out that one of my friend's cousins died. She was thirteen and she died in a mall bombing in Israel. I'm not a news-oriented person, nor am I someone who keeps up with anything going on outside of the United States, really....I guess it didn't even occur to me that there was still fighting going on in Israel.

I don't know what to think about this yet, but I'm sorry for undisclosed girl. I doubt very very very highly that she'll read this, but I'll say it anyway: I love you babe. I'm here for you.

On with it.

Friday, February 15, 2002

So I haven't listed the past few quotes of the day. The thirteenth was the best so far ever, I think.

Picture it- it's before the classacts, everyone's running around, getting ready. I'm walking down the junior hall and at the end of it Mr. Letourneau- balding, overweight 31-or-so-year-old algebra II teacher that I lusted for last year (in a father complex way, I'm sure) and who I'm sure eventually found out, or figured out, about my little crush- is walking down a perpendicular hallway. Seeing that I am heading in the same direction as him, he decides to be a playful jerk and turn around to stand in my way, then reposition himself to continue to stand in my way as I repeatedly tried to get around him. Eventually I swung out my arm and pushed him aside. "Watch out man," I said. "If you think I don't abuse teachers, you're wrong."
"Oh yeah?" he asks?
"Yeah." I reply. A moment of silence that might have been spent thinking about what I was going to say next. But no...instead, I blurted out the following.
"Just because you're old doesn't mean I won't beat you."

At this point there was another moment of silence. I turned and we looked at each other awkwardly, then laughed, then I got out of their as fast as I possibly could.

Yesterday's was pretty precious, too- granted, not THAT precious, but what is? Jeff, having come through unexpectedly for Valentine's day (which was really, really great, looking back) brought me roses and the Matchbox Twenty CD that I lost a really long time ago and wrote me a letter and took me out to Friendly's for dessert. On the way to Friendly's, I mentioned something about him being lucky that I wasn't more like Cathy. He said somethign to the affect that if I were more like Cathy, I'd be dating "a jobless idiot."

In case I haven't mentioned before, Jeff is a spoiled only child who has never had a job in his life. He was trying to describe the troglodyte (Tony), but, WOW, did it come out badly. For him.

Delightfully amusing for the rest of us. (Me, at the very least)

So far today, there's been one nominee....maybe I should post a mini-poll with various nominees every day. Might help with my hits....god, I have a one-tracked mind.

Today's nominee:
"You unleased the pussy within!" ~Emily

It was better in context, no, I think it's pretty nice out of context, too.

I'm reeeaaaally nauseous, and I need to bathe and eat something before Jeff calls, so I think I shall scurry off to that now.

On with it!

Thursday, February 14, 2002

The library computers are slow as shit during third period study hall, because the network is bogged down by having almost every computer occupied. Or something like that.

Consequently, I have started writing this entry on wordpad, and if blogger EVER loads, I will then transfer it.

On the....weirdo desk seperation thing to my side, someone has written "4:20", then someone else has written "rules", then a third person has written "you suck" in response, presumedly, to the first two. Generally, if I have a pen ready and someone writes something insulting, I either change it to be something positive or neutral (IE "you suck lollipops") or I defend the first person, but since the person who wrote "you suck" was attacking someone who is promoting potsmoking, I think I'll leave it be. Or perhaps make it worse (IE "you fucking suck, you potheaded lame-ass motherfucker").

Except if I ever get busted for writing on bathroom walls or any other school property- which I often do- I'd like to have the defense that I've never written anything negative- which I haven't.

Last night was good- The skit worked out almost perfectly, except for the fact that, due to the volume of the band playing the cheers theme song in the background, the words- about the cafeteria rather than the bar- were not audible. This messed up the dance, which seven people were doing in time to the words, which couldn't be heard. And the second powerpoint presentation didn't work. I was nervous about that for a while, but the other skits were....I don't want to say "bad" exactly, but they didn't appeal to the audience. The junior's, written by Andrew, was funny from what I heard (in the back, so that wasn't much) but the humor was more subtle than a LHS Winter Carnival talent show audience can readily appreciate. The Freshmen, who went third after us and the juniors for some extremely messed-up reason, would have been good except that much of the comedy was copied directly from friends and seinfeld and was exceedingly short. And the bell has just rung and blogger is yet to load, so I'll have to save this and come back after school.

-*Comes back after school*-

The sophomores had excellent actors and costuming, unfortunately for them, the judges seemed to realize that 90% of their skit was copied directly from Saturday Night Live or Seinfeld. Go judges. So, being that our only problem was the song and the fact that the Mimi costume I was wearing was wrongly adjusted in a way that it looked like I had a MAJOR erection, we won. Hurrah. I would have gone insane if we hadn’t, I put so much damn work into that thing.

This entry would have a more celebratory tone, except that I am in a dangerously bad mood. Worst I’ve been in in a while, in fact.

It’s Valentine’s day, and even without being single on it….well, I’ve never liked the day, and it would take a lot to make me like it, I guess. Maybe not. But it hasn’t been good so far. I normally get carnations from some of my friends…..I might have today, actually, but, like last year, I came in late and they were handed out in homeroom. I don’t think I ever got them last year, but I think eventually someone gave me the hearts that people fill out with them as evidence that I should have gotten them at least. I don’t know if Jeff and I are supposed to be celebrating this together or anything….we never discussed it. He comes home from school on Thursday nights, but…yeah, I have no clue. And if anyone were to ask me, I would do my best to convince them that I don’t give a shit.

Zach, from the “people I want to know list”, bought Lori K. 7 roses, which seems to suggest that he doubts the validity of her lesbian relationship. That’s rather disappointing. Then again, perhaps he would have sent them to her even if she was dating a guy- perhaps he just cares about her enough to want to romance her despite Charlotte. That’s….well, admirable in my opinion, so perhaps I’ll just withhold judgement being that, in all likelihood, I’ll never know what he was thinking. I don’t want my opinion of him to be lowered to early.

In between the first part of this entry and now I have endured the student of the month assembly. There are few things in life I hate more than the student of the month assembly….one of them is nausea and another is getting salt water in my mouth. The only thing that could have made it worse- besides being nauseous during it and swallowing sea water during, would be if they presented the bullshit perfect attendance awards during…which they did.

Mr. Leighton is leaving at 2:30, which means I must hasten to leave. I feel like going and lounging in McDonald’s for a while….perhaps I’ll get some fries.

On with it.

Tuesday, February 12, 2002

"teen slut can't drive 55"

One of my 25 hits so far wandered onto this site by typing into the yahoo search engine those words. There are 358 matches for the words "teen slut can't drive 55", and I am the twentieth.

I am unsure of what my reaction to this is....somewhere between being incredibly disconcerned and being oddly pleased.

I am listening to Pachebel's Canon as performed by George Winston and it has me very relaxed...or some such emotion. Adam in the morning, for my 16th birthday, sent me a George Winston CD because I told him George Winston relaxed me, and he thought it was important that I be able to relax. I, being broke, gave him one of my CD's that I never listened to, however rather than spending the money to send it USPS, I gave it to Mark to deliver, being that they both go to Farmington, and I don't believe that he ever did. I feel sort of guilty about that whenever I listen to the CD, but que sera sera. I'm sure it's fine with Adam.

Adam in the morning. He and I do not talk any longer, not really, and that's sad. He's great, and he thinks I'm great. Which is great. He's Torrie's ex-fiancee...I wanted them to stay together. I wasn't exactly as......beneficial to that cause then I would have liked to been, via unintentional influence. But I guess all of that is in the past now.

Elorza asked his girlfriend if he could come to prom and her response, as related to me through him, seemed somewhat tepid. I don't want to create any problems in their relationship, but I really want him there. Not that it would be the end of the world if he couldn't come- I've had worse prospects in the world than the idea of attending the senior prom with Jeff- undoubtedly, were he there, it would be every bit as magical as it promises to be with Elorza, but I asked Elorza before Jeff and I were dating and, anyway, I only get so many oppurtunities to see Elorza.

Until next year, that is. Assuming- dangerously- that I get into Eugene Lang.

And, lo, he has approved it with his girlfriend! *Rejoices inwardly*

I wanted to be in bed by right now, so I should go do that.

On with it!

Daria is the poster child for "teen misfit," and holds in high contempt what she sees as the shallowness and superficiality of the world around her. She is also cynical -- though she'd say she's "realistic" -- and mistrustful of authority, and doesn't hesitate to make her opinions known when she sees fit. She has a talent for writing, a sharp intellect, an even sharper tongue (her sarcasm could cut tempered steel), and a wit so dry it makes the Sahara look like a rain forest.

Wow. Being compared to Daria. What a life-changing shock. And I always thought of myself as more of the Quinn type. Guess I'll have to retire my collection of Guess Jeans and pink T-shirts.

(As if I would have gotten anything else)

On with it.

Yesterday's quote of the day:

Me: What's your middle name?
Jesse J.: Marie
Christina T.: I knew you were going to say that!!!!!!! Just because I knew your middle name.

Something in Christina's tone made me almost fall out of my chair with that one. Tone is important....this was stressed yesterday extremely well by Zach Smith, the newest and most prominent member of my "People I really want to get to know" list. He's a writer, an excellent one...and either a sophomore or a junior. The thing about him....well, one of them anyway, is that when he's without any prominent emotion, the default expression on his face is the kind that, for some reason, led me to the conclusion before I met him that he was the type of person who would shoot up the school. His eyes are all big and shit....I don't know, I just thought of him as scary.

It's one of those stereotypes that got instantly shattered the second I heard him speak. He's incredibly quiet but writes incredibly loud stories. Quirky stories of dark's great. "Benchwarmer" and it's sequel were the two stories he told yesterday- the highlight of my day, without question. The story, I suppose, was not so much above average that it would surpass anything most of my friends can write, but the way he read the character's voices, his energy, his confidence...I was intrigued. I had already been intrigued, but yesterday I was intrigued while smiling effusively. He's great.

Jenn's going to England tomorrow. Looks like I'm gonna be bored out of my mind this february vacation. I'm going to New York with Phil, at least, and I think I might have some other somewhat major plans with people. I'm wondering if Jenn would bring over the episode of Will & Grace she taped that we were going to watch together if I called her...shit, she's at work. No Jenn, no playstation, no pointless trips to Wal*Mart......she and I gotta make more time for each other than we've had recently when she gets back. She'll be back two weeks, I think.

I just realized I gotta call Kaite back, and after i do that, I want to call Jeff....he had a bad day yesterday. That's not cool. I'm not doing too well at this particular hour myself, but I haven't the faintest idea why. Probably something about yet another realization that most of my friendships are sagging. Hopefully I'll be able to set that straight next week.

On with it.

Monday, February 11, 2002

I'm in Floyd's room with the people who eat first lunch in here. I have just checked MSN messenger- searching for Katie and, lo, she was there! While this doesn't happen me, since my plan is simply to send her a letter- a REAL one, via snail mail, handwritten in the best handwriting I can possibly manage, just the indication that she really does exist, that she's not just a figment that exists solely in the realm of Lewiston High School Yearbooks elates me. And if it got right down to it, and I couldn't contact her any other way, I could through this. And that makes me happy.

What pisses me off is Katie P's reaction to my effusions of joy. She accused me of lying about Katie Snyder's existence.....I don't know, it bothers me. I've lied about a lot of things in my life, but to think that someone who is supposed to be my friend can't tell the difference when it's something this important to me....and the fact that when I told her, point blank, that it was important to me she still wouldn't lay off.....I'm bothered. Really bothered. Bobby and Floyd reacted rather badly to it, too, but Serena and Ricky were...well, Serena was pleasant, and Ricky didn't say anything at all. Ricky would understand, though.

I guess I can't expect anyone to understand this. It's not everyday someone experiences something like Katie, I doubt anyone of them have. And I guess my reaction should really be more one of feeling sorry for them, and for Katie P....who I resent for even just having the same name as Ms. Snyder.

*Sigh* I miss Emily. I don't think Emily would understand this, but I don't think she'd attack me for it. And I think she'd try to get it. I need to find someone who understands.

Maybe Katie Snyder would.

On with it.

We say goodbye at the back door so that we won't have to be affectionate in front of Cathy and Tony, in the living room sitting with Austin who is sick. He leaves and I watch him as he walks to the front of the house, than run to the living room to watch him as he drives away. As his car starts up and the headlights come on, I am growing more and more conscious of the voices of Cathy and Tony and the rasping, flemming, crying coughs of the child and the realization grows colder and colder around me that, admidst all of this, I am watching my week's worth of sanity drive away.

But tonight was good. Things are becoming better between he and I then they previously were, it's nice lately. I've got to stop being as obsessive about Katie Snyder's picture- which I have not stopped taking time out of the night to look at every time I'm their since the first time I beheld her sweet visage, but I've figured that out. I'm going to write her a letter- my single communication with her that I harbor no hopes of getting a response to, just a message conveying to her that she is a picture that's well worth the thousands of words I could write to her, just telling her that she's beautiful, majestic, and something that happened to me quite unexpectedly on page 55, and that I am thankful for her existence. Something to let her know that if her only accomplishment in life were to be as beautiful as she is, she still would have done more to make the world a better place than most.

I should probably go now- Elorza's on, and I do not want to seperate myself from the computer any my only means of talking to him probably for the entire week, but I drug myself to sleep on sunday nights- just to sort of restart the ol' circadian clock- and I took my single tylenol PM a while ago, and it will start affecting me soon.

So goodnight to the smell of Jeff lingering on me,
Goodnight to Ricky's happy discovery (It's confidential!)
Goodnight to my dearest New Jersian friend
Goodnight to my buddy list, and the messages I won't send
Goodnight to Emily who left too soon
Goodnight to the stars, and goodnight moon!

Haha, I have no idea where that came from.

On with it.

Sunday, February 10, 2002

you are a writer and an generally insincere person

Take the web's most accurate personality test now!

That one's great, I highly suggest you take it.


Still looking for what I was attempting to do, though.

On with it.
Congratulations! You're a dragon!
I took the href=""
target="_blank">What Mythological Creature Are you?
test by

Well, I took that entire test just to find out something about the code that isn't in that particular code, but, hey, at least I came out a dragon! *Roar* continue with what I was attempting to do.

On with it.
If I wrote like Oblivio, I would never feel insecure about the fact that maybe the reason people don't come to my site is lack of good content.

And at exactly the moment where I'm about to do something I feel like doing, that's when my family decides to actually interact with me, via one of their fucking lazy-ass demands.

Maybe I'll find time later.

"Night and day it's 'Cinderella!'."

On with it.