Monday, February 11, 2002

We say goodbye at the back door so that we won't have to be affectionate in front of Cathy and Tony, in the living room sitting with Austin who is sick. He leaves and I watch him as he walks to the front of the house, than run to the living room to watch him as he drives away. As his car starts up and the headlights come on, I am growing more and more conscious of the voices of Cathy and Tony and the rasping, flemming, crying coughs of the child and the realization grows colder and colder around me that, admidst all of this, I am watching my week's worth of sanity drive away.

But tonight was good. Things are becoming better between he and I then they previously were, it's nice lately. I've got to stop being as obsessive about Katie Snyder's picture- which I have not stopped taking time out of the night to look at every time I'm their since the first time I beheld her sweet visage, but I've figured that out. I'm going to write her a letter- my single communication with her that I harbor no hopes of getting a response to, just a message conveying to her that she is a picture that's well worth the thousands of words I could write to her, just telling her that she's beautiful, majestic, and something that happened to me quite unexpectedly on page 55, and that I am thankful for her existence. Something to let her know that if her only accomplishment in life were to be as beautiful as she is, she still would have done more to make the world a better place than most.

I should probably go now- Elorza's on, and I do not want to seperate myself from the computer any my only means of talking to him probably for the entire week, but I drug myself to sleep on sunday nights- just to sort of restart the ol' circadian clock- and I took my single tylenol PM a while ago, and it will start affecting me soon.

So goodnight to the smell of Jeff lingering on me,
Goodnight to Ricky's happy discovery (It's confidential!)
Goodnight to my dearest New Jersian friend
Goodnight to my buddy list, and the messages I won't send
Goodnight to Emily who left too soon
Goodnight to the stars, and goodnight moon!

Haha, I have no idea where that came from.

On with it.