Saturday, February 16, 2002

Bad day in general.

Woke up this morning late- Jeff didn't leave until almost three last night (that was the good part of the day)- and my parents and cathy went out. Tony, being housed at his mom's house for the next week, was not there, so I had the house to myself. I ate, got nauseous and headachy, took aspirins and watched a really sad lifetime movie. "Family Sins". It was very early eighties-like, with really crappy renaissance-like music in the background, and I think it was probably by the same director as "Ordinairy People", a movie- with a strangely similar plotline, that I probably wrote about before. I'll find the archives and post them- I'm into posting links to my archives because, as I've been reading them lately, I find they are far superior to anything I've recently wrote. Probably because I had much more to say back then....I was more consistently depressed than I am now, and while sadness isn't something most people vy for, it makes for a more interesting blog. Sadness or sex. Whichever.

After crying my eyes out over "Family Sins" and getting generally miserable, I came up here with every intention to talk about it on this, and to talk about how I cried so easily today, and I cried twice last night with Jeff- some things that I talked about upset the both of us...totally unrelated, except in a vague way, was a difficult night, at times. Good, but difficult. I think perhaps I go on spurts of crying, because I don't do it for weeks at a time and then I will all of a sudden every day for a few days. It's odd. At any rate- I logged online and found that I had two new e-mails- one from Emily and one from Jenn. Emily was not doing well, by any means. She angsted in the letter. I wrote back and did my best to make her feel better. Then I responded to Jenn's e-mail, she wanted to know about Winter Carnival.

After that I didn't feel as bad. I took a shower- normally I would have taken time to dance, but I my stomach was aching from the nausea that was zoning in and out and I figured there was the Outright (gay and questioning youth community) dance I was supposed to be going to tonight, so I'd have plenty of exercise. No rides, though, so we're stuck.

By far the worst part of today though would be- and I'm not sure if I'm allowed to discuss it, so I won't mention names- that I've just found out that one of my friend's cousins died. She was thirteen and she died in a mall bombing in Israel. I'm not a news-oriented person, nor am I someone who keeps up with anything going on outside of the United States, really....I guess it didn't even occur to me that there was still fighting going on in Israel.

I don't know what to think about this yet, but I'm sorry for undisclosed girl. I doubt very very very highly that she'll read this, but I'll say it anyway: I love you babe. I'm here for you.

On with it.