Friday, June 07, 2002

"When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure had enough
of this life
Well, hang on...
Don't let yourself go
'Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts

Great song. I wonder how many lives this has saved.

I hurt. Things are really difficult right now.

But hell, if it weren't one thing, it'd be another.

I seem to be attracted to chronically late people/people who don't like to set times and shit/magnets.

"They're magnetized."
"And if our hands were metal, that would mean something."

It's been a really long time since I've seen the movie. I feel like renting it. If I can afford my current late fees.

My mother is in a really inconsiderate mood. It's pissing me off. There are so many aspects of her I don't want to inherit.

I'm typing with my eyes closed, because I'm listening to "Roxane" from Moulin Rouge, a song I've voiced my opinions of beofre, several times in fact, if not more.

And now onto "If it's Hurting you" by Robbie Williams, next on the playlist, then "Screaming Infidelities", then "Without or Without You", "Everybody Hurts", "Love on the Rocks", "If You're gone", and "Time and Time Again", then it loops. That last one makes me miss Nick. Wonder if he ever checks this anymore.

Probably not.

Mr. Ladd's on vacation so I won't see him on monday, and I didn't see him last monday, or the monday before that. I could e-mail him where he is, but I don't want to bother...though it's going to be a bitch updating him when he comes back, a lot's happened. I'd really like to know his thoughts on the current situation, but I think I could pretty much predict them. Or fucking Mr. Hall's. Adults don't seem to think that younger people's relationships are very important. Or something. I still have to pass in my logbook(s) to Mr. Hall...gonna do that with some big-ass, postage paid pre-addressed envelopes, so he can write his comments and then send it snail-mail back to me.

Jeff's supposed to be calling or showing up soon.

According to certain people- myself agreeing- I'm "all over the place tonight". You think so?

I should go. I'm rambling. On with it.

Wednesday, June 05, 2002

I've been writing a lot lately, not on here as much as the newsletter- which I skipped last week but hopefully won't neglect tomorrow (prepare for 18!) and poetry. I've been surrounding myself with inspirational people, I guess.

Things are changing very rapidly right now- let's take, for one example out of many, school- went from being in school, to being near the end of school, to taking finals, to doing marching practice, to graduating on sunday (assuming my english grade's all set...oh please oh please oh please) to having the whole summer free of academic stress...and chock-full of flame-broiled BK goodness.

And if this were the only major change in my life coming up, I could adjust somwhat better than I am. But will see how it goes.

Wish me luck, though. Tonight is going to be somewhat...difficult. For a good cause though- sometimes, you have to cut your losses. I just don't quite know what my losses are yet.

To quote a country song that Jenn's got me hooked on- as only my heterosexual life mate could do-

"I?ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness...
I?ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I?m movin? on"

Maybe. Guess we'll find out. On with it.

Gah! I wrote something on dysphorena, decided it was better suited for here, went to copy and paste it and apparently messed up, so I'll have to rewrite the whole thing again:

The story of King Solomon is as follows: Two women, both staking claim to an infant, go to the reputedly wise King to ask his advice in settling their dispute. Upon hearing their story, the King's advice is simply that they cut the child down the middle and each take half. Unable to bear the thought of causing the baby so much harm, one woman insists that, instead, they baby should merely be given to the other. King Solomon than declares that she- who forfeited her claim for the child's sake- is the true mother, for only the true mother would value the baby's welfare so unselfishly.

As it happens, there was also a version of this story told on the old Nickolodeon Show, Salute Your Shorts, involving a prize-winning frog and two campers. Damn, I miss that show.

Ultimately, it is a story about two people who want something, and the one that loves it more is the one who is willing to give it up for it's own sake. Without giving too much detail, there is a fairly similar situation conspiring for me right now. Both sides have there merits, but in the end, who would you want to be with? The one who cares more about you and your welfare than about themselves, or someone who'd be contented to spill your froggy guts across the cabin? (Note: this is an unfair comparison to make, I was going for juxtaposition....which is a rather bitterly ironic word to use in this.)

Choices can be difficult....but according to at least one person, I'm "too good to worry."

God, I love you.

On with it.

Tuesday, June 04, 2002

When I find something to say again, I'll say it. I'm not dead or anything.

oN WItH iT!