So right now I'm worried about the previously mentioned him, obviously- went to the funeral today, apparently his aunt was impressed that I had gone- it didn't even occur to me, for a moment, that I wouldn't be expected to be there...or maybe not so much thtat they would have expected me not to go, I guess I just never thought that anyone in my position wouldn't, and yet out of our entire generation there, I was the only one there as a friend of him or his brother or cousin (I think.) This bothers me. If one of my parents died, would my friend neglect to skip a single day of school to come to the funeral? Would they not even show at the wake?

Isn't it, at times like these, somewhat instinctual to take care of the people you care about, to do everything in your power to keep them as emotionally sound as is at all possible? Don't situations like these warrant putting someone else first? I'm confused.....It didn't occur to me that I was doing anything special in being there, in fact, I am fairly sure it was the bare minimum. I guess I'm pissed off and scared...I guess I've just realized that I don't really think anybody's been doing anything to take care of me lately, either. Granted, my parents are alive, but things have been coming down all around me....and when I really want help, I'm really, really blatant about it. There are people in my life who might have been able to make it to my last few breakdowns with a little bit of self-sacrifice...granted, there are plenty who never could have, but is it really so much to ask that....maybe I don't know what I'm asking for at all.

I know that he, for instance, would probably have done anything he could have for me. Maybe I'm just upset that I'm not sure about anyone else.

On with it.