Thursday, November 28, 2002

My love for the number 37 does NOT extend to it's converse- having played MASH online enough times so that I remember, partially, which selections will be chosen for my genuine favorite number (for instance it's always the mansion, and always whatever I put in the first slot for number of kids) I decided it was only fair to mix it up a bit and let fate play it's part. I decided 73 was a logical choice. Motherfucker.

You will live in Shack
You will drive a White Hyundai Elantra.
You will marry Zack and have 3 kids.
You will be a Masseuse in Lewiston.

Aside from marrying Zack, those are by far the worst MASH results I've ever received. I do not want any children, aside from one I plan to adopt late in life, I don't want to be a masseuse for the rest of my life, and I'd rather die than stay in the lisbon area, let alone live in Lewiston- in a shack??? I can put up with an Elantra, even hating white as I do, but my other options were a Porsche, Harley, SAAB, and that new mid-sized Kia SUV thing...maybe it's called a sorrento?

I always put in at least one option I don't really like in every category, because it seems fair, but damn...that sucks. I'm going to use the exact same options I did, but go back and use 37. I already know I'll be living in a mansion, let's find out where, though.

As I'm waiting, I can tell you what it's crossing off- the very first thing it determined is that I will not marry Zack...bastards...Nor Casey....Nor Elorza...oh, man, that makes it down to Jeff and Chad. I'm either a stripper or a Poet....Poet...Chad...Red kids...Tijuana.....

I'm going to be a poet living in a Tijuana mansion with Chad and no children, driving a red Harley. I always, always, always get Chad and a Harley. Goddamnit. I'm changing the order of this bullshit, and I'm going to use a totally new number......84.

Some of the options are changed, but I've set it to do it's worse. This is the definitive one, Ladies and Gentlemen. For tonight, anyway. I got dishes to do.

You will live in Mansion.
You will drive a Silver Harley.
You will marry Zack and have 2 (natural) kids.
You will be a Author in Tijuana.

Ahhh dip, it's all good. 'Cept that 2 kids thing....but as long as it's not till our late thirties, and they grow up looking like a perfect cross between their mother and father- a boy and a girl, let's say, the boy with his father's...ah, fuck, his father's everything, except maybe my skin and my hair color. The girl, though, she'll have his gorgeous hair, and my shape of eyes, but bigger, like his. I can't decide on her lips, because I like both of ours, maybe some perfect combination. Characteristically, be independent like me but devoted like him. They'll have my strength and his sensitivity. They'll have my ambition and his work ethic. And they'll be able to speak Spanish, growing up in Tijuana and all, but I'll teach them french and italian (I'll know it by then), and he can send them beautiful foreign poetry that they'll understand better than he does. We'll always tell them how beautiful and intelligent they are, and they'll never have to doubt anything.

Maybe they won't ever have to work at a meaningless job, but I do, so I'm done for now. On with it.