Monday, February 10, 2003

So, the good, the bad, and the ugly-

The Good-
-In between the time when I got online and checked Zack's new site, which he may or may not want linked to, the first time and just now, he had posted about a letter I sent him and how good it made him feel. The way he describes it makes me glow- if I believed in auras, like my classmates, mine would be radiating right now. Damn, love can be sweet.
-It's a really, really gorgeous day out here in California, and I have taken the initiative to take it off. You'll find out why in a moment.

The bad-
-Somebody seems to have hacked into my site and deleted two of my entries, as you will see from the two blank ones below. I may or may not be able to restore them from cookies when I get home, but even if I can, I am left with a fucked-up taste in my mouth, especially if my suspicions of the possible perpetrator are confirmed.
-Evidently, I've lost my previous knowledge of how to spell the words "suspicions" and "perpetrator".
-Sense I don't feel like reliving the moment again, as it would damper my bright mood, I'll just quote what I said on Frank's pit about it earlier. Ha-ha, this could be dangerous, as I let all my anger fly on the pit, being that it's the pit, and that's what it's there for, so this could be viewed as rather derogatory towards my classmates, should they ever take a look-see. But everything I say on the pit, and on here, and in real life even, should be taken with understanding that I am a writer and a drama queen, and with a grain of salt, as I've said on numerous occasion, because I taste better that way. If one does not get that...well...their loss, at this point.
"I was trying my damndest to put a leash on my cynicism, so as not to take away from the tree-hugging tai-chi freaks' meaningful experiences: if they can suspend their disbelief and walk around in a stupid haze, more power to them. But it's begun to ge the best of me, and let me make it clear- I want out. And I tried to cover that up, tried not to say anything, but when the teacher ASKED me what was wrong, I told him. And he, in an uncharacteristically bastardly way, told me I was pitying myself and ruining the mood of the rest of the class. Notably, I had been otherwise completely silent, trying to avoid getting anyone else involved in my so-called "self-pity" ("self-preservation", I called it in defense, for a down-to-earth atheist such as myself when jammed into a place where god-loving reiki practioneers float around on clouds, touching each other all day long). I told him that despite everything,I only meant to spare myself from them and spare them from me at the same time, and that my intentions were always good. I was crying by then, because these motherfucking ahernites have gotten under my skin, but he persued anyway- "Not always." he said.

So I'm taking the day off. Maybe the rest of the flight is soon, I might just let it ride till then...we'll see how it goes."
And that's what happened. I may go back to class, I may not. The "may not" sounds appetizing. I've had it up to here ^ with learning about this psycho-somatic bullshit for the criminally optomistic. I'm ready to go home and lay in Zack's arms again, and maybe not do anything else at all for a damn long time.

The Ugly-
-Richard Simmons and friends. As if you needed me to tell you.

Until later, my sweet readers, I am off to enjoy the good- Zack's, and the California sun, and the hope of returning to a place much colder, but much more wonderfully cynical. Ah, how I have become well-versed with the meaning of the words "home sweet home". Especially if you were to add a swear in there somewhere.

On with it.