The weight war wages on, forcing me to tears a record four (five?) times today. As of midnight, I was ready to resign myself to anorexia, having- ironically- made myself nauseous by my own attempts at inducing bulemia, but in a long talk with Casey, I got the attention and recognition I duly needed, and followed up the conversation with a healthy 2 AM feeding of turkey bacon, pop tarts, chips and soda. I'm the much-abused and exploited middle weight class. Cry for me.

With everyone else at college, Casey has become the second most prominent person in my life. I wake up to Zack, spend the day with him, get two and a half to three hours to myself when he's at work, hang out with him more until 11, and then go online to talk to Casey. Weekdays. Weekends, from now on, are seemingly going to be divided between my current boyfriend, my ex boyfriends (mostly Jeff, intermittently Andrew and Mark), and my partner in crime, which is the unofficial title I've given him when asked by anyone else who he is- this comes from the way he is the person I most long to throw off the soul-killing restraints of soceity with an act like a young, irresponsible person, and, of course, the fact that he is my partner in our porn-and-writing webmastery. But aside from the imagined and reviewed debauchery, he's more than that. Casey and I get each other. The shit we have in common is just different than the types of things I have in common with other people, and- dare I say- more important. Whether we're talking anti-feministic shit or analyzing, over and over again, the depth of our relationship- which I think surprises us both- Casey is the one person I don't worry about running out of subject matter with. And if we ever do find a lasting awkward silence, that's nothing a spontaneous roadtrip into the sunset can't fix.


Another wonder of the world is Derek. Derek was some guy who randomly graced Elorza's buddy list after one or two conversations they'd had a while before. I first started seeking him after Elorza stole a line from his profile- "eroding the human soul is my anti-drug"- for his away message, and I just had to know who the genius behind the line was. Derek- a New Jersian, like Elorza- is incredible to talk to. He has the friendly, carefree disposition of a pot-smoking hippie without the...idiocy. He is, in fact, one of the smartest- if not the smartest person I've ever encountered online...or in the real world, I think. This partially makes me feel bad about myself and my ability to measure up, and partly just awes me- his articulation, wit and depth are fascinating, and his ability to appreciate everything in life- from typewriters to hand-to-hand combat to satisfying conversation will keep him on my buddy list for a long time to come. Hopefully, I'll learn a few things from him. Evidently, he writes. Like all of the world's best people.

In other news, I started "The Giver" yesterday. It's got me hooked so far- young adult books are the best as far as getting you hooked into what's going to happen next, thinking about the story even when you aren't reading it, and generally packing all the punch that I missed out on appreciating when I was younger and searching for a more literal meaning of the tagline "Reading will bring you to new worlds!" Always disappointed me that I didn't feel transformed onto the pages. And that's why I never got into reading. And that's why I'm the fat wreck you see before you today.

Hmmm...where the fuck did that come from?

Anyway, it's 3 am, and if I'm going to balance my schedule well enough to have my writing and webmastering done for our site's launch on saturday as well as having the book read by April 1st, mine and Michaela's chosen day, I should go do a chapter or two. Who knows? Maybe it will transport me into a new world....a world where Casey and I can take long, daring road trips and make stops in New Jersey to see Derek, and, hell, throw Elorza in there, and I will lose fifteen pounds in the exercise of just talking to the both of them about porn, and typewriters, and stupid, wonderful things we all have in common.

Forever and ever. On with it.