Tuesday, May 11, 2004

A couple quick updates, most of which are really too long in coming:

-Results are finally in and up for both of the Flash Fiction contests I recently entered. For those of you who don't know, Flash Fiction is a form of condensed form of writing, featuring stories that are always under 1000 words in length, usually 500. Generally speaking, flash fiction stories are focused on precise use of language, fiercely poetic, and start and end a scene suddenly, establishing nothing in advance about character and setting.

The two contests I entred (both erotic in nature) were as such:

-The Logical Lust Flash Fiction contest. Stories had to be under 200 words. I got fourth place. Check out all of logical-lust here, or skip to the contest section to see my entry and others (all surprisingly good.) I, for the record, write as L.M. Coull, and my entry was "Concerto in G".

-The Spring (Flash) Fling from Katy Terrega's writing site. Entries were to be one hundred words or less and include an element of spring. My entry, "Oh, Give us Pleasure in the Orchard White" (Robert Frost allusion) got an honorable mention that is featured on this page, and, hey, if you're interested in sex writing, you should definitely sign up for the free newsletter, the best free sex writing resource on the net.

So, two contests, two victories. I guess that makes me an official writer.

If that doesn't, this site's feature from The Weblog Review sure does. Sadly, the reviews weren't great, but I attribute that almost entirely to the fact that I applied to have my site reviewed months ago, when I was taking it in more of a humorous, topical direction, and trying to steer clear of the personal stuff this site has become so deeply rooted in. You remember, the good ol' days, when I was blogging up a storm with delightful wit to spew about everything from my hair's alternative lifestyle to small children dressing up as household cleaning supplies. I therefore filed it as a humor site, and when the review finally came, I was back to the norm with "SuedeCaramel.com: Adventures in Self-Pity and loathing." Both reviewers complimented my writing abilities but said, in so many words, that there wasn't so much humor as, well, this crap, so I scored only a 3.25 stars on average. I'm sure it would have been higher if I'd filed as a personal site, but since my google pagerank is higher than theirs, I find myself entirely jaded to their blaspheme. When the juggernaut of my genius is unleashed, they will be crushed under the foot of my prowess. Mwah ha ha!

But, here are the reviews, if you want a look-see.

On a non writing-related note, I saw the Movie "Van Helsing" last night. I'd like to say that it was well-written, well-acted, entertaining and visually spectacular, because it is. But I can't say that.

Because all I can think about is the freaking microphones hovering above the heads of the actors in three distinct scenes. I guess even multi-million dollar productions have to cut corners, and apparently they do this by hiring key grips and film editors from the AV club of Hellen Keller's Memorial Institute for the AV Impaired. A noble effort to empower the handicapped, but a real handicap to the movie viewing experience. As hilarious as the mess-up is, it's impossible to root for the monster hunter when you're constantly afraid that, whilst vanquishing all evil, he trip on a power cord or something.

I report about this because, against all odds, seemingly no one else has. The biggest mistake the movie industry has seen since Albert Brooks, and no one's mentioning it-- not one blog, not one message board, not one crappy online comic.

Thusly, in order to get top billing on the eventual google searches, I am going to link to myself, shamelessly and ad nauseam.

Van Helsing Microphone Mistake

Van Helsing Microphone nominated for Best Actor

Hugh Jackman Dead! Brutal Microphone Attack!

In other news, blogger's completely reworked their format, if you haven't checked it out yet, do. Also, google is starting a new E-mail service called Gmail, and as a blogger user I got in as a Beta Tester. It offers a gig of free storage, cool search options, and a neat conversation format. In general, it's cooler than your account, so there.

So, my new primary is SuedeCaramel@Gmail.com. I will slowly be phasing out SuedeCaramel@dog.com, as I'm paying for it and it still offers no protection against the droves of spam I get on an hourly basis, of which my favorite subject line for today is "Overdue smu account". How *did* they know all my smu accounts are overdue?

Smu you! And on with it.


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