The stranglehold that a phantom site had on my god-given domain name has seemingly ended-- if I am correct, soon SuedeCaramel.com will once again be mine, and lead you, my good people, here.


So, some thoughts.

While American Express is currently advertising with celebrities like Ellen Degeneres and Robert Deniro (with the creative help of Martin Scorsese and Annie Leibovitz), Discover is contrasting with a line of commercials featuring extremely relatable average people-- have you seen these? Black and white, just the person standing there, talking about their life, saying things so cute and suburban that it just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside-- "I helped put my husband through dental school, and now I get my teeth cleaned for free." (Big smile.) Or "I still open doors for my wife, because she deserves it." These are the "average americans", the decent, traditional people with a strong work ethic and perfect credit.

If these are average Americans, I'm in biiiig trouble.

Discover is trying too hard to show us likable, relatable customers-- as a result, these people are to ethics and decency what Cindy Crawford is to aesthetics and ass. I'll never look like her and I'll never be like them-- let's get realistic, Discover, if that's what you're going for! Let's get people saying *real* everyday things. Replace the lady who says "I still get goosebumps when (my husband) kisses my neck" with "I still get goosebumps when (my lover) pinches my ass and calls me 'Mommy'." And the guy who says "I'd like to use (the cashback bonus awards) for a table saw, but I have a feeling it's going towards a new dishwasher" with "I'd like to use the money towards a new Colt 45, but I have a feeling it's going towards Bail."

This is my America. On with it.