Monday, July 13, 2009

Okay, so let's go for a post that contains all the partial posts that I've wanted to start recently, but haven't, because I had no way to make them into an entire post. Be prepared for some frustrating, unsatisfying reading, but please don't take this opportunity to wonder why you come here at all:

Song that make me want to cry almost every time I hear them:

-The Cure's "Just Like Heaven", slightly preferrably as covered by Gatsby's American Dream.
-The Mountain Goat's "No Children."
-Oops. Maybe that's all I can think of right now.

Jeremey's first day of his new job was today. Emily got legally married today. Jeff has his old job back, and I've yet to remember to e-mail him back about this. Blah blah blah, insert something here about how my life, in comparsion, is starting to feel small and insignificant.

I've been thinking lately that I really need therapy. I've been wondering if my negative experiences with Mr. Ladd-- when he left-- have informed my distrust of therapy in general. The reality of this is probably bigger, though. I started distrusting therapy based on the fact that it's just a person on the other end, every bit as flawed as you. Over time, I think what I feel about has changed: it's no longer really a distrust, it's more of a...I don't know, it's more of a need to find the perfect conditions for it to work under. For it to work, I guess I just think you really need to find the right person. And who has the time and the money to go from threapist to therapist, waiting for one to click?

How strange that, as I'm writing this, Mr. Ladd has come online. I really don't speak to him that often, at all.

I guess the other thing is that the trained massage therapist in me tends to be more interested in...I don't know, holistic modalities-- hypnotism, Emotional Freedom Technique. Things that allow you to cut through the blah blah blah and access the parts of your brain that are really in charge. I guess I'm a pretty firm believer in the power of the subconcious...and maybe I think everything else is irrelevant. My trouble is that I don't really succumb to hypnotism. Like at all. Maybe after a few years of yoga or meditation training. Something that could slow down my constant stream of thoughts, many of which react very sarcastically to hypnotic suggestion.

Mr. Ladd and I are going to make an appointment. Here we go again.

I find it annoying that the time when you're in the best position to be absolutely honest with a person is right before they start to mean too much to you. Because that honesty-- or, at least, that opportunity for honesty-- nessecarily leads the relationship forward, if you're me. Nothing does it for me like that moment in a relationship where you can tell a person everything because they're interested, but still largely unaffected. Keep that up for too long, however, and you're going to get to a point where your words have consequences.

I just fucking -know- there was another song I wanted for that list. I mean, there are others that have been on there in the long term-- "You Don't Bring Me Flowers", and Mariah Carey's "Without You." (The latter because it was played in the car on the way to my grandmother's funeral.) But there's one I've been listening to recently....speaking of music...

Rob Thomas has a new album out. Reminded me that I needed to replace my copy of his last one-- also, I downloaded both "Yourself or Someone Like You" and "Mad Season", which were missing from my MP3 collection, given that I've owned each of them at least three times. I have this thing with losing those CD's. A few promising tracks on this new one-- you have to give Rob Thomas, by himself, the benefit of the doubt. He's obviously better with Matchbox Twenty, and without, he has a tendency to be too poppy, and to favor (ugh) chorale background singers. But he's still Rob Thomas. Anyway, did you buy "Exile on the Mainstream"? Did you even know about it? No? Then don't blame him for releasing "Cradlesong" as a solo album.

Give me the Meltdown" and "Mockingbird" are each pretty good tracks, with some excellent lines. He always was a fantastic lyricist. However, even I am a little offended by the track called "Real World '09." Come on, man. Some things are sacred.

Blah. Maybe staying in the habit isn't quite worth the effort. I'll have something profound-- or at least vaguely relevant-- so say next time. Promise.

On with it.