Sunday, March 16, 2003

You have

Take the "What sexual dysfunction are you?" Quiz at!

And life makes sense again!

No, the above isn't actually a link. That banner- if you can actually see it, I'm having some trouble hosting the image- was actually attached to the article that link will lead you to that explains the little-known condition of Vaginismus. This condition is defined as an involuntary spasm of the vaginal muscles causing tightening during attempted intercourse causing it to be extremely uncomfortable, painful, or entirely impossible. And knowing this makes me really happy.

As relatively few of you know, on and off again over the past several months, Zack and I have been attempting to have sex, and, for reasons unbeknownst to us until tonight, failing miserably. This has been a source of extreme tension and frustration for me, causing me to have such doubts on a wide, wide variety of topics, from my own phyiscal competency to the validity of our relationship. After a particularly poignant series of failures tonight, I spent the better part of the day feeling really really fucking bad, and wondering if we would be able to weather it- in short, I thought I might lose him.

The site explains the symptoms of the condition- that fit me to a tee, and explains the tampon trauma incident before prom last year- and also the treatments, which are both psychological and physical and sound, well, downright fucking nasty. They include, to name a few, couples therapy, the use of "dilators" (say it with me now: eeeewwwww....), and hypnosis, to name a few, and I do NOT look forward to the gyno appointment whereby my doctor "simply inserts a finger into the vagina and watches for a tight, involuntary muscle contraction." Oooooh, is THAT all.

But, as absolutely horrid as all of this sounds...It's curable. It's fixable. I'm not the one and only person in the world to ever go through this and, most importantly: I'm not going to lose my Zack.

So congratulations to me! I have Vaginismus! :-)

On with it!