Monday, January 26, 2004

Last post was September 24th. huh? Let's all catch up with the notable changes in Linda's life.

>I got a driver's license. That was in August, but I guess I never mentioned it. Unless you're important, then you probably knew.
>Zack's car died somewhere in there, so we went and bought a new one. 2002 Silver Ford Focus. Very happy with it. Good deal. Let's hear it for Larry Stewart's Auto Sales! (Least slimey sales pitch in the world, ladies in gentlemen. "You want the car? No? How about that one? Yeah? Okay.")
>Got married. October 18th.
>What, you want more on that? Why? You weren't invited? Too bad. Neither was anyone. You want pictures, I got them, but don't come bitching to me about how you weren't even asked to the most important day of my life...more like the most annoying day. Combine all the picture-taking from all 10 proms I've been to with all the misery of getting dressed and ready and trying to look perfect (but failing), and then leave out the cool things like "Baby Got Back" and Serena's and my provocative dancing techniques (though I would have been game if she would have stepped onto the floor. Who have I got to impress, the in-laws? Please.) On the plus side, Elorza made the drive up (Props.) and, oh yeah, I got bonded in marital bliss with the love of my life, blah blah blah, but anyway, you didn't miss anything that wasn't documented ad nauseum by a roving gang of trigger-happy photograhers. I just wish someone had given us stock in Kodak instead of presents.
>Moved to my uncle's largely unoccupied house in Gloucester. Got jobs at a calendar kiosk in a mall during the Christmas season. Got so much holiday spirit shoved up my holly jolly fanny that I contemplated taking Santa out with a sniper then sneaking away using Rudolph's hollowed-out reindeer body as a disguise. That would have made a great calendar.
>Got into a car accident. That was a bitch-load of fun, let me tell you. No one was hurt, etc.
>Jobs ended and, fed up by useless, idiotic Uncle/Lanlord rules, came home soon after the "Don't feed the squirrels, they are dangerous, viscious creatures" rule was enforced. Spent a damn long time moving, and....

That, my friend, takes us up to today. Now I just gotta find a new Maine job and suck up to all the people I blew off when I thought I'd never have to hang out with them again. Piece o' Cake. People love me for my charisma.

If all of what you read up there came as a shock to you, well, shit, I guess you just weren't important enough to keep informed. I've found that I totally hate talking to anybody (Read: Anybody other than Zack or Casey) about anything I think they might have a notable response to. All those insipid questions. "How'd your license exam go?", "What was the wedding like?", "What are you doing with a hollowed-out reindeer in your trunk?". Christ people, buy the book.

Anyways, being home (and back to my precious, precious WiFi) should leave a lot more time for blogging...though to tell you the truth, I would have had to make time for it regardless. Casey's gone and nosed in on my market, you see, and while I love my Casey-nova just to pieces, I CANNOT LET THIS PRICK GET MORE TRAFFIC THAN I DO. It's funny what one's pride will and will not allow. I can spend hours of my life glued to his commentary on such worthless bullshit as the socialogical deconstructing of various dorm halls at stonehill, "witty" things he's said to people of similar but-lesser intelligence levels , and his girlfriend's belts, and that's not beneath me at all, for some reason that totally eludes me, but should he put up a website that threatens to usurp attention from mine...well, war's on, baby.

Or maybe I just wanted to give him a shout-out on my site. Either way, he beat me to the elephant thing, so props.

Anyways, you'll be seeing more of me soon, so try to contain yourselves. If you think it's possible. Probably not.

On with it.