Friday, July 15, 2005

Zack, in the other room listening to the "Woo Hoo!" song , the one about...bullets...whatever, keeps exclaiming this rather disruptive interjection loudly enough so that it becomes a badly-timed feature of "Islands in the Sun", playing in my headphones. This is only endearing for so long.

Zack's temper has played a big part of my evolution in the past three years, and I suppose my lack of tolerance for it has played a big role in his. Still, it's there, and I feel it affecting me all the time, changing the way I react to things. Today, my outbursts tend to be far more phsyically violent* and intense than they were before I had spent such a large amount of my life with him. When I get this way, it scares him, but I suppose this is only the most poetic of punishments for making me feel that childish, fetal-positioned way my father used to make me feel so often. My father will never know, but Zack is learning what it's like to see someone's anger come on so suddenly, for them to go from frustrated to frantic in a burst, and all you can possibly do it watch it happen. This, hopefully, will get through to him before we have kids, and the cycle, perhaps, will end there.

I can't help but wonder if this is my greatest strength as a healer. To take on the other's faults and then display them, so as to teach. Then again, if it is true that that's my greatest strength in that department, it's probably only as a default. "Healer" isn't a term that would show up in my autobiography, I think, without a biting irony to it.

It was a momentary thought; I think it may be in my best interest to learn to ignore those.

I'm loving the opening of "Falling for You" and thinking, as I have been lately, about how incredible this whole "blogging" thing is-- because of these logs that literally hundreds of thousands of people are keeping publicly, future generations are going to have so much access to the thoughts of the common person at this time in history. We will be the oldest generation that future people will have a thorough and deep perspective of, a true cross-referencing of all the different kinds of people, different kinds of thoughts and feelings and priorities. Historically, the average person has only had access to sort of a vague political-cultural painting of an era, involving the illustrious extremes that most people werent't involved in. The twenties were Saco and Venzetti, Flappers and Speakeasies, but if you talk to your grandmother she says she never did anything like that, and she wasn't old enough to care about the major news story. Ditto your parents and the sixties-- maybe you're lucky enough to be borne of hippies, but more than likely, they never went to a protest, didn't smoke pot, and their understanding of Vietnam was on par with the average high schooler's understanding of today's situation in Iraq.

Imagine the changes from now on. There are blogs representing the thoughts and interests of every demographic. And christ, how misrepresented would we be otherwise? "In the year 2004, everyone listened to Britney Spears or Will Smith, loved 'American Idol' on TV. For fun, you would go bungee jumping, which was popular until the many bungee-related deaths of 2015, or you would go to an IMax theater, a primitive version of our cinaplexs today. This was the generation that voted for history's dumbest president, and that is why we, today, have these post-nuclear genetic mutations, children." "Boo!"

This is perhaps a bit of brain food for you for now, and I will discuss this later. For now, I need real food, and my husband is awaiting his date, perhaps too patiently.

On with it.

*Towards objects, before you get all "intervention" on me.


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