Monday, February 18, 2002

"When a man lies, he murders some part of the world."

Jeff wrote that to me in an e-mail from, like, november. The begining of November. Before we were dating. I just re-read it now.

Jeff used to be the person I was absolutely commited not to lie to- in any important way, anyway. Every now and then I would exaggerate a re-arrange a story to make it more amusing, but nothing big. Since we started dating, I've become much much much less faithful to the concept that truth between us is ultimately important. I'm still more honest to him than I am to other people, but I am, by no means, the open book I once was.

On top of which, I doubt very very highly that I have the capability to be anymore. It's one thing to always be entirely honest to a friend, but for some reason, that changes for me the second I begin dating someone. This, I am quite sure, is an unhealthy practice. I should hope to resolve it in the future.

I am, and have been, attempting to contact Ben to extend to him an invitation to join Ryan and I to the Super Wal*Mart, which I believe is the type of thing Ben just might enjoy. In the past, seeing Ben has consistently yielded a reason to lie to boyfriend figures, but I remain strict with the idea that that behavior will stay, as I said, in the past.

Doesn't seem to matter tonight, though, as he is not answering his phone calls and he isn't online. Too bad, would have been nice to see him. It's been too long- almost two months.

Ryan's coming soon and I want to grab some ice cream before she does, so I'm off to save the world, bada dum dum dum!

On with it.