Thursday, February 12, 2004

Quick! There's still time to sign this petition accusing wal*mart of doing things that are perfectly legal!

The link I have just posted leads to a petition on "", a charming little pun if I ever read one, that's asking the federal trade commission to investigate that the Wal*Mart Corporation:

-May be *intentionally* locating stores in low-income area, thusly establishing a market for themself.
-May be using-- gasp!-- marketing strategies to convince people to buy things they don't nessecarily need.
-May actually be trying to make a profit!

The petition also suggests that Wal*Mart may be encouraging it's manufacturers to make low-quality products that break easily so that people will have to continuously buy replacements. Oh, no. You buy a motherfucking coffee maker for five dollars and it breaks-- shocker! Most of these things come with a warranty, brilliance, it's just that you didn't keep it! Why? BECAUSE THE DAMN THING ONLY COST FIVE BUCKS TO BEGIN WITH.

Another example of a viscious cycle eating away soceity's moral: There's a Wal*Mart opening in your community. Your community is a low-income community. The people in your community are low-income because they don't make a lot of money. They don't make a lot of money because they're uneducated, or maybe because they're just plain stupid. I don't want to be cruel, but a pretty good percentage of the time, it's the latter. So, being the kind of people that they are, they think "Wow, five pairs of panty hose for ninety-nine cents? Boy-howdy. Too bad I don't have a skirt. Hey! Skirts are only 5 dollars! Too bad I don't have a vagina-- Hey! Sex Changes are only a hundred bucks! Wal*Mart really *does* have everything!" Thusly, Wal*Mart has reason to open in your damn community.

I'd like to be more sensitive, but my policy is pretty much this: Our population is too large to be conducive to genuine equality. There aren't enough resources for all of us, and thusly, some of us thrive and some of us fall. I don't like it any better than you do, because we're all born, in a way, equal. Some of us are born with superior DNA *insert winning smile here*, and some of us like country music. Either way, it was all supposed to be part of the plan. Natural Selection. This is the stuff that Darwin was talking about. Then that Jesus Feller got all involved and glorified human life, and got us all working to save one another. Now, a kerchillion years later, things aren't working out too well. Some of us are starving, some of us are eating, and some of us are working the night shift at Wal*Mart. That's all Wal*Mart's really doing, anyway, is giving us a special place for those of us who have no genetic right to be here. (And yet, they sign the petition.)

And who started this mess? I'm looking in your direction, Jesus.

Right now, I can actually *feel* the alienation of dozens of my newest visitors. You know that wheazy feeling of swallowing too much chlorine? It's kinda like that!

Christians, etc.-- Don't take me too seriously, it's not that I don't like Jesus. He's God's son, and God's done plenty of good things. And, for that matter, plenty of great things. And....ah, man, where was I? I got distracted by the idea of those two having sex...

Yay God!

On with it.