So I'm always pretty interested in finding out where my hits come from, and lately when I've checked, I've gotten more than my fair share of people looking for Andy Milonakis lyrics. Three or four people a day have been coming here looking for them, but their was one tiny, little, Gary Coleman-sized problem: I didn't actually feature them-- there was one post a while back with like two lines from "Crispy New Freestyle", but nothing else. Still, I didn't want to go and disappoint these people: after all, potential readers for this site are about as easy to come by as undoctored naked pictures of TV's Frankie Muniz....uh, just trust me. So I took it upon myself to search online to find lyrics I could link to, and found that, surprise surprise, there's absolutely no where to get these things, which explains the outpouring of tired, weak, huddled masses yearning to...read senseless lyrics as writtien by the Man Show Boy. All right, so it's not exactly the American Dream, but if it's what the Google-searchers want, it's what the google-searchers get. I decided to do it myself.

Big mistake.

I thought it'd be pretty easy, and started out with the most popular search, "Crispy New Freestyle." Within the five three lines there were about six things I could not make out for the life of me. This, incidentally, is pretty much what rap is to me. Fifty Cent could be rapping about ducky whores, and I just would not know.

So I e-mail the man (show boy) himself:



From: Linda H.
To: andym@angrynakedpat.com
Subject: Your Lyrics
Date: Mon 02/09/04 09:19 PM


Dear Andy-

I run a weblog at www.SuedeCaramel.com, and once, a few months ago, I
mentioned you and transcribed some of the lyrics to "crispy new
freestyle."-- just the first few lines to give my readers a taste of
what they can expect of your work. Since then, however, my site has
been getting hit after hit of people searching for your lyrics on the
web. Apparently, nobody has wanted to go through the trouble of
transcribing your lyrics, so they aren't available, and a large amount
of desperate people have been hoping they're at my site.

Here are my questions to you--
1) Is there a place on the internet where your lyrics are available, to
your knowledge?
2) Do you plan on making them available in the future on your site?
3) If not, might I transcribe the lyrics of some of the more popular
songs and put them on my site so that your fans will have a place to go
for them?
4) If I may, will there be a chance of my being able to asking you to
identify the lyrics I just can't quite make out, if you happen to
remember them?

Thank you for your time.

Your fan,
Linda H.



And I get an e-mail back.



From: "Andy Milonakis"
To: suedecaramel@dog.com
Subject: Re: Your Lyrics
Date: Mon 02/09/04 09:31 PM


Hey, I forget what website it was but someone transcribed the Crispy
lyrics and I corrected them and sent them back........so here are they are. I
don't have any other freestyles transcribed but if you need help with more
lyrics let me know, I'll fix errors and stuff for you if you write them down.



Note the time on these things-- 9:19 pm and 9:31 pm. 12 minutes. For a celebrity (of sorts), this guy doesn't have a lot to do, apparently, but it was pretty cool of his to send me the Crispy Lyrics, which I've put in the Guest Writer's Section until I have time to put up a new section just for his stuff. My intention at this point is to transcribe one or two of his "songs" a week and get his corrections, then put them up here. But I don't know which ones to do, exactly, so if you have any requests, please e-mail them to SuedeCaramel@dog.com, and make sure you put his name in the subject line, because I am having a bitch of a time navigating through the junk mail recently, thanks to MyDoom. Incidentally, my favorite spam subject line of the week is, and I quote, "sudan adrenaline dogfish flowerpot affricate carlin spaniard biography motley sequitur chronograph ", as sent from someone advertising some shady place where you can get a degree without actually having to have done any schoolwork. Like Notre Dame. (If you're as interested as I am, here's the 24-hour number: 1-646-304-8069)

In addition to putting up the lyrics, I'm also adding Andy's Website, Angry Naked Pat, to the Places list. It's my way of saying "Thank you, Andy." I hope I can give him as much traffic as he gives me.

Because that would mean I was getting a lot more than I am. On with it.