Sunday, October 21, 2001

Too fucking long a day to worry about actually writing anything, let's just copy this bullshit. The conversation I'm currently in with Ben pretty well covers it:

Linda: I wish it were just still possible to solve all your problems with swords and chivalry
Ben: it would certainly make life easier sometimes.
Linda: Jeff and Jeremey would have to treat me like a lady and someone would have killed Mr. Ladd for me long ago....Emily would have never gone to college, as a woman, and our castle's would still be right down the street from each other...you could all ride horses to come and see me, you wouldn't need licenses

heh....3 messages...how odd that that's all I have the balls to copy. I can't post any of the shit that really talks about how I feel because there is always SOMEBODY to offend, or just hurt, or fuck things up with. I'm so SICK of having what I feel be taboo, not allowed, against the rules, private by nessecity. I feel like just screaming truths at the top of my lungs and leaving before I can watch any of the circumstances........just walk away smiling and holding hands with whoever the hell it would be that I wanted to hold hands with at that moment- fuck commitment, fuck feelings, fuck having to do this out of fear of doing that.........I want it all to be free love, I want to be able to take a walk through a woods and sleep beneath the trees on the ground naked and wrapped up in whoever the fuck struck my fancy at that moment. I'm sick of constraint. I'm sick of social obligation. Let's all be hippies, can't we? Without the GODDAMNED drugs.

I could look into grey eyes without brown eyes tearing up, stroke blond hair without betraying brown, kiss full lips and still taste thin.....I could make love with females in the daytime and sleep in the arms of males at night.....I could be in love with my best friend one night and wake up the next morning, still able to eat breakfast with them and laugh as we both talked about other people.


Yes, I know, none of that would ever work....but there's a reason I've said I'll never get married....I just can't do this shit sometimes.


let's goddamned get on with it already.