Tuesday, March 05, 2002

Really really bad day.

Quit civil rights team. Somewhat unofficially. Because I don't have the courage to fight for it the way I did last year, and it's turned into the "Good intentions" team or some shit like that....because it's all yelling and I can't feel conviction anymore and because I've gotten to the point where I'm making racist comments and I'm sick of bright-and-shiny homosexuality. So I'm fucking bi, who gives a fuck? I've gotten more shit about my opinions on beastiality than what turns me on. I don't have the motivation anymore.

Honestly, I wanted it back. I meant to talk to Floyd about it- maybe that's all I really wanted, was to talk to her one-on-one again. But I couldn't get her alone and when I went to talk about it Katie jumped on my back and told me to just quit- I started crying, so I could retort. Maybe hormones, maybe the fact that much more in my life is wrong than is right, but I was in a room of people who might have once tried to take care of me, and they didn't. Understandable, whatever- I just don't like it when I need someone to take care of me and that person isn't there. I don't like slinking back home and crying to my blog. I wouldn't let anyone I cared about go without someone...unless I was part of the reason they needed someone. I don't know, I'm rambling.

I want Jeff, or Ben or Chad or Nick, or, jesus, someone. I want to be next to someone or on the phone with someone- I just want to feel safer than I do. Things are wrong right now.

Fuck it.

On with it.