Saturday, April 20, 2002

Jacquie and I are on a douche crusade!

Jacquie: you know what's the best store?
Jacquie: the dollar store. it has everything
SuedeCaramel: :-D I'm so glad you said that
SuedeCaramel: I totally agree. It's so hard to convince people, though!
Jacquie: i bought "Hello My Name Is" stickers, and i'm going to wear them to school
SuedeCaramel: Once I bought a marker there and some posterboard, and I sat outside the place and made oversized cards to give to strangers
SuedeCaramel: but I only had the nerve to hand out one of them
Jacquie: but i'm not going to put jacquie, i'm going to put something else just to amuse myself
Jacquie: HAHA!!!! that's bold
Jacquie: i wouldn't even give out one! i'm a wuss
Jacquie: i'd say hey here's a...nevermind! and scurry away like a chipmunk
SuedeCaramel: :-) it took me a while
SuedeCaramel: okay, here's something-
SuedeCaramel: at YOUR dollar stores, do they sell fucking douches?
Jacquie: YES!!!!!!!!!!!
Jacquie: I saw it, and i was like, holy crap!
Jacquie: i don't know!
Jacquie: they had like 3 different kinds too!
SuedeCaramel: I have this plan, and I've had it for a while, to one day go in there, by nothing but fifty dollars worth of douches, and walk out
SuedeCaramel: to make one, simple point-
Jacquie: HAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SuedeCaramel: I think I should make it into a crusade, actually
SuedeCaramel: I'll go across the country and buy 10 or so from EVERY dollar store
Jacquie: the douche tirade!
SuedeCaramel: maybe I'll get a sponsor so I can buy out there whole stock
Jacquie: HAHA!!!
SuedeCaramel: and then burn it in the streets of omaha!
Jacquie: omaha! it's genuis!
SuedeCaramel: (becuase it's the first city that came to mind)
Jacquie: that's great, i'll do it with you
SuedeCaramel: ....let's improvise poetry about it
Jacquie: the lady on the douche box was holding a rose or something...??
SuedeCaramel: I'll write one line, you write the next...
SuedeCaramel: yes, yes she was!
Jacquie: ok! i love doing this
SuedeCaramel: Ahem, I'll start-
Jacquie: ok...

And, with a little editing, this was the result:

SuedeCaramel: The smell of burning douchebags in the streets of the city
Jacquie: made young children and horny old men oh so giddy
SuedeCaramel: The sun was setting and the stars were itty-bitty
Jacquie: The dollar tree customers ponder at this disgusting sight
SuedeCaramel: And let the demons of their imaginations grow unto new height
Jacquie: and mothers cover their children's eyes, who look away with all their might...
SuedeCaramel: Two girls danced in victory as the flames grew higher
Jacquie: after the bonfire flames smoldered, they threw 22 douchebags on some mire
SuedeCaramel: They knew that they had burned all evil in the pire!
Jacquie: many dollar stores beheld this sight, and packed the douchebags away...
SuedeCaramel: And that is the tale of Jacquie and Linda, who saved the day!

My name is Linda, and me and Jacquie WILL save the world from dollar-store douches! On with it.