For the first time in a week, I feel like myself.


I am sad.


And I lied to him and told him I didn't have any idea why. It's the first time I've ever lied to him about anything important.


And Derek is an hour and a half late, so apparently I'm gonna end up going to the coffee house without him. And an another Ally McBeal episode is playing. And I feel as though my life has become a series of events that signify that something is fundamentally wrong with me.


And I am frustrated by the fact that now that I've written that, people can think it's there duty to help me and hold that against me when I tell them I'm fine, I don't need it. I am fine, in almost every way, but there's something I have to resolve. And I don't have any idea what it is.

That's not true, either. But I sincerely just don't know how anymore. Though, and I type this, despite it's ruining the feeling of the rest of the post to save me troubles later, I'm fairly sure that it doesn't really involve any of you. At least not until I figure out what the first steps are. (There's one obvious exception to that last statement, but he'll either know who he is or find out.)

On with it.