Wednesday, February 06, 2002

Yesterday, in Mrs. Deraspe's class I discovered that lately I've been getting hits to this site in record numbers- 30 by 4:00 o'clock yesterday, 30 in all the day before that and 34 the day before that. Looking further into it, I find that there have been a number of Australians, all of them who use an ISP called "opusnet" (or something like that) who'd been on. They seemed to orginate from someone posting something about me on a newsgroup- I tried to find it on my own and couldn't, so I've got James looking for it- good to have internet-savvy friends like him. Gotta love James.

As of about 15 minutes ago, I had had 5 hits today. 5! That's, like, a record low. And all of this conspires to leave me confused as hell- yesterday I topped off at 40, today I've got 5 so far. Maybe this is because my Australian crowd has all checked me out, decided they didn't like me, and left, but...the contrast is disconcerning.

Admittedly, the bullshit I post here ISN'T entertaining.....well, it hasn't been for a while, anyway. I've had considerably less to report and considerably less time to do it in- I'm a manic sonofabitch, so you gotta know if you keep coming back, it'll get juicy again- I'll start some sort of substance abuse kick or I'll sleep with a teacher. But if no one's going to check it, why can't it just stay that way instead of getting me all messed up about it?

Watched Pay it Forward today- where, the first time the ending just pissed me the fuck off (Don't read if you haven't seen it- I thought they just tacked on that pointless ending to make a perfectly good movie sad, because people remember sad movies longer. Like taking some feel-good romantic comedy like "Only the Lonely" or "You've Got Mail" and then tacking on footage of a little boy's puppy getting run over just for affect...not that I don't realize that it was never a romantic comedy, but screw you for judging me!) this time it made me cry like a fucking baby- I've been crying A LOT lately. Pretty much all over things that normal people would cry about anyway, but it's like it went from one extreme to another really quickly. I think it's because I've been letting myself feel a lot more- especially where Jeff is concerned, lately. For a while, I had just sort of blas├ęd myself to him and our whole relationship as, I don't know, I guess a way to deal with the fact that he's gone most of the time. But it wasn't making me happy as our friendship used to, so now I'm trying to get back into the grand impassioned swing of things. It's kind of weird, but it's been worth it. I think.

My hands are still covered in dye- we did Ukranian Egg decorating in gifted and talented today- my eggs came out INCREDIBLY BADLY, but I think I'm gonna keep at it. If I could ever produce anything even a fraction as gorgeous as some of the things the teacher-chick was showing off, I'd be hooked for life. And not a bad thing to be hooked on- it would be cool to spend in the distant future, oh, six months or so just as an artisan, living on what I could make at craft fairs selling ukranian eggs. Some quaint touristy town, like Gloucester except not, or perhaps somewhere in Europe- I could adopt the accent and everything and con all the yuppie Americans into thinking they were getting some traditional European treasure. What a fine way to live, she said with an exclamation point!

I need to write- not only is my urge to be writing palpable, but I actually have an assignment that was due for creative writing tuesday, which I conveniently wasn't there for. I have a study hall the period before creative writing, so I'll probably do it then, but really....I need to cut down on writing in here and just get some quality prose done. I stand by my new year's resolution- I will be published!

Despite an immense amount of make up work, work for the class acts and...probably other things I should be doing, my goal for tonight is to shower and then get to bed on time. Normally "on time" would constitute 10:30, but I'm hoping by ten tonight. Or at least enough time to masturbate- though it's weird doing it with cathy and tony still awake and audible. My parents are in Gloucester tonight- my great Aunt Sally died. I didn't know her very well, but the sad thing is, she's the one elder in my family that I've me that I would have really liked to get to know, at least in one way or another. She seemed pleasant enough. She had a long face, she looked a lot like my uncle freddy.

Damn, I miss Gloucester. You'll fucking have to PEEL me away from it this summer. When and if I get to New York, I'll miss the hell out of being just two and a half hours away extended family, and the gorgeous coastline, and walking around there at night and stage fort park during the day.

Another place I'd like to visit this summer- Charleston, South Carolina. My Uncle Joey- the only member of my mother's side of the family to really migrate, and the most amusing of the bunch, lives there. A bunch of us visited him there when I was like, nine, and I was entranced- by the warmth and the beauty, and the spanish moss and the city atmosphere. I must go back. This summer it is!

My name is Linda and I'm going to have a busy summer. On with it!