Monday, January 14, 2002

Sometimes I'm really, really convinced that I need to trash some of my older conversations. The saved ones that can only make me feel goddamned bad about myself.

Realizing, moments ago, that I really don't remember very clearly the details of what happened when Kristen and Jeff broke up, I decided to re-read the conversation with him I saved from that night.

Have you ever noticed that when you read a saved AIM conversation, it sorta still has some vague feeling that it's happening at the time that you're reading it? All the emotions from the past somehow get catapulted into the future with...well, at least adequate accuracy. And yeah, not to be overly blunt but...well, it would do me good not to think about how in love with her he was, and definitely not to read that...well, ever again if I can possibly avoid it.

Okay, wow, and now I've just read an old e-mail that ended up in him talking about doing shit he used to do after he got hurt by her again, holy shit. I have to stop dredging up the past.

Ugh...remind me not to ever remind myself of the fact that some people do have a history. Good thing I already decided to medicate myself to sleep tonight.

Let's get the fuck on with it.