Not really cool right now.

Nick's father came and got him early, and while I'll probably see him in an hour, I apparently miss him. This would bother me, except that I don't mind being needy in the direction of Nick, as has always strived to see me, include me in his life, and be included in mine. He really should be a fab five....stupendous six. Whatever. I'll have to review that.

I love that he knows, and apparently likes, Angel Eyes by the Jeff Healy Band.

"So tonight, *mumbles*
Stars above
How did I ever win your love?
What did I do?
What did I say?
To turn your Angel Eyes my way."



I don't think I've felt as though anyone loves me that way since I left Mark- I remember it always made me happy while I was with him, whether or not he knew about it, because he made me feel as though he was astounded, and wordlessly amazed, that I could love him, that he was worthy. I think I loved that about him, perhaps more than anything else.

Don't get me wrong....I don't want to fab five to try to make me feel this way......I love them, and I understand that there isn't anything wrong with them realizing WHY I love them. It's almost sick that I want them to be astonished by my ability to see the beauty in them. But sometimes a girl wants to feel, you know, in a league of her own.

I couldn't even picture Mark loving anyone else. That was good. That's why I trusted him so damn much, I think.

Now, of course, Rich Kid is going to take this whole thing to heart and try to edit himself to make me feel that way, not understanding that some things have their place, and it's with other people. But this isn't even purely about romance....it's about love, in general. Not that I need to ward off the efforts of the rest of the fab five to give me this feeling again- they aren't proactive. (I edited this from the entirely unfair thought that I really have, which was: "They don't give enough of a shit about me." Yes, virginia, I am an irrational bitch.)


I'm resenting so much right now. I want to be held. Not by Rich Kid. Not by Emily. Someone...I don't know, protective somehow. Big brother figure. Something like that. I want my hair stroked, I want to be told that it will all be alright.

"You're the best- exclamation point."


Oh, god. I want Greg.


A lot.


My name is Linda and "I don't know why, but I'm feeling so sad. I long to try, something I never had. Got a moon above me, but there's no one to love me, lover man oh where can you be?" On with it.