So pissed at the internet. I just got an e-mail from Serena- a forward that probably THOUSANDS of people have seen by now, and at least 90% of it was stolen straight from George Carlin's acts without citing him at all. Bastards!

Derek's entire info is a quote by Einstein, but he didn't mention that either. Bastard!

hate Hate HATE HATE being needy, but I reeeeeeaaally am. And I stretch the same words that Emily generally would.... I wonder if she got that from me or I got that from her. Either way......I miss him in the weeping of the rain, I want him in the shrinking of the tide.

That was a quote by Edna St. Vincent Millay, by the way....I don't attempt to take credit for her genius the way some would plaguerize Carlin, single greatest comedic mind on earth. In the context of the sonnet, it wouldn't apply to this situation, as he's someone I haven't actually lost yet.

Oh, hold me now, I feel contagious!....
Don't fall away
And leave me to myself
Don't fall away
And leave love bleedin' in my hands
In my hands again.
(Fuel)

I must be in a musical...../poetic mood tonight. UGH! HATE HATE HATE HATE being needy. I'm supposed to be independent....I've been forcing myself, for a long damned time now, to be independent. A whole shitload of sacrifice comes along with never ever wanting another person to the extent that you would cease to function without them, trust me, but I've pretty much done it.

And, hey, I'm still functioning now, just needily. Damn damn damn.

A second link has been added to Elorza's profile that suggests he's been here- another blogger site. Plastic Bollocks or something. Hold on, I'm checking this out.

Okay, I didn't get that at all. At all. Kinda had the reaction anyone reading this site who didn't know me would have...but, honestly, who the hell would check this site that didn't know me? (Now, to get onto what I was going to say yesterday, which fits NICELY right here.) It astounds me...wait, let me try that again: It ASTOUNDS me even just that Elorza has been here. I always presumed he really didn't give a fuck what I said/thought/felt/etc. That he took me as this altruistic force who was obviously a better person than him (his assumed opinion, not my own) but really not interesting enough to care about talking to/reading about/bothering with in general, beyond the obligatory.

Perhaps that's not true. It feels true. But I know I didn't ALWAYS feel that way. Things were great last summer.....amazing. Flawless. I was still convinced that I could be completely giving if I cared about someone enough. Then I fucked up with him......I guess it'd never even registered before that there is shit I actually WON'T put up with....had never know. Certainly didn't find out through Jeremey. Put up with soooo much from Jeremey.

J: "Linda, I'm completely incompetent as to how to act around anyone at all with breasts....except you....but that's because I could never think of you sexually, I knew you before you were pretty!"
L: "You think I'm pretty?"
J: "Uh....I can't answer that question. It might be complementary to you, I can't do that. It's in my contract. I can shrug if you like. Want me to shrug?"
L: *sigh* "Nevermind. What do you need help with?"
J: "Okay, how to I approach her?"
L: "Just think of something to sa-"
J: "No, I mean, approach her. Get close enough to her so that she can hear me speak. Be in her proximity."
L: "Uh...first, you have to look for her."
J: "SHIT! How?"
L: "....with your eyes."
J: "Eyes? BRILLIANT! Let me make a note of that. Okay, once I do that...."
L: *ahem* "Walk over to her."
J: "....w.....alk?"
L: "That thing you do with your feet."
J: "Holy shit, is that what it is?"

I could go on for a while. It comes as a much-needed relief that Jeremey has finally taken enough notes to work on his own and, yes, land himself a victi- *ahem* girlfriend. Let's all give props to Kacie, who must be exceedingly patient to be going through with this.

J: *taps her on her shoulder*
K: "What now, Jeremey?"
J: *whispers* "What am I supposed to say to you when I first see you?"
K: *siiiiigh* "Say "Hi", Jeremey."
J: "AH, of course!" *scribbles fervently at notepad. "You ready?"
K: "Yes, I'm ready. Go ahead."
J: "HI JEREMEY!"
K: *siiiiiigh*


Jeremey was complaining a few days ago that I do not bash him enough in my newsletter...which y'all should be subscribed to. I hope this makes up for it.

I gotta get around to doing that, too. It's been a while.

It's been a while for a lot of things...HATE HATE HATE being needy.

I just went through this whole big-ass thing about wanting Jon to check my page and songs that still remind me of jeremy steenson, and talking to myself, and all that bullshit, and I don't feel like writing it again, because Elorza has IMed me as he so rarely does- getting better though he is- and I want to devote some attention to him. So, yeah, let's overview:
I'm a pathetic loser.
And now you all know about it.

My name is Linda and I am not ashamed of......the fact that I really should be ashamed. On with it!